another minute or so.

Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

Denzel Washington's son will make his NFL Europa debut for the Hamburg Sea Devils. Well done, Jackie Robinson! Denzel said he is very pean football player, and he's such a good actor that he said it convincingly, too.

In American football, Drew Bledsoe finally retired - from being benched. Unfortunately he's already being benched from retirement in favor of Jake Plummer.

Suspended Titan Pac-Man Jones was ringside for his best friend Zab Judah's fight with Ruben Galvan, mainly because he's got nothing else to do. Thankfully, the fight was not in Vegas. Now that the suspended Tennessee Titan has the year free, may we suggest he try his hand at acting. First audition? The Longest Yard-Part II.

More trouble from the Imus scandal as new tapes reveal that he also said the Rutgers women's basketball team was "from New Jersey."

And the Chicago Blackhawks will have the first pick in the NHL Draft. The Blackhawks plan on using the pick to draft a new franchise. Either that or to draft fans that care.

For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com

sports minute

Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

Snowstorms forced the Indians to play the Angels in Milwaukee. Fans at Miller Park were thankfully too drunk to tell the difference.

Elsewhere in baseball, Atlanta Braves pitcher Mike Hampton will miss his second straight season because of elbow surgery. Eric Gagne is suing for plagiarism.

Olympic sprinter Tim Montgomery pleaded guilty to conspiracy in a multi-million dollar bank fraud scheme. Too bad - Montgomery was planning to use the money to buy more steroids. Authorities plan on giving the sprinter five to ten years behind bars – if they can catch him.

The 300-pound, slow moving Florida manatee will be removed from the endangered species list and will instead play line for the Miami Dolphins. Although if he can pitch, the Padres are also interested.

A Slovenian man broke a world record by swimming down the Amazon River in 65 days, and is still furious with his travel agent. Americans would be more impressed if we could locate Slovenia on a map. Or the Amazon.

And UCLA's legendary basketball coach John Wooden has been hospitalized with a stomach problem. Doctors say the problem started after Wooden watched Yoakim Noah shoot a free throw. Doctors are optimistic, however. If Wooden survived the bling-bling era, he can probably pull through anything.

For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com

new minute or so

Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

International players now make up 29% of Major League Baseball. So if you've gotten an American education, that's more than half. The New York Mets have the most international players on their current roster with 72,000. Half of Boston's roster is foreign born, but they all get bussed in.

In Louisville, the saddle worn by last year's Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro is expected to fetch the highest bid at a charity auction. Expected to fetch the lowest bid? A large bottle of glue.

CFL running back Ricky Williams has applied to be reinstated in the NFL, after using up all the pot in Toronto. Scouts are skeptical, as Williams has already taken way too many hits.

In basketball, Wizards point guard Gilbert Arenas will likely miss the rest of the season after knee surgery. Many Wizards fans wish they could be so lucky. Arenas' injury is unfortunate, as he is the best team in the Eastern Conference.

And two 43-year old former world champion boxers squared off this week. The two were told to touch gloves, keep it clean, and put a coat on - it's cold out. We're looking forward to next week, when the winner takes on Max Schmeling.

For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com

three words that come to mind... starring Sinbad

Grimwaldi (1:20:40 PM): Good Burger
JonChattman (1:21:32 PM): im a vegetarian
JonChattman (1:21:04 PM): Houseguest
Grimwaldi (1:22:42 PM): my guest anyday
Grimwaldi (1:23:09 PM): Jingle all the way
JonChattman (1:23:55 PM): lets rape christmas
JonChattman (1:24:48 PM): first kid
Grimwaldi (1:25:58 PM): Proof Democracy Sucks
Grimwaldi (1:26:48 PM): NECESSARY ROUGHNESS
JonChattman (1:27:35 PM): kathy ireland fumble
JonChattman (1:27:54 PM): meteor man
Grimwaldi (1:29:30 PM): /Townsend's career ends
Grimwaldi (1:30:16 PM): Coneheads
JonChattman (1:30:55 PM): My Soul Hurts

thecheappop interviews up-and-coming wrestler Ryan Drago

In the ring with rising grappler Ryan Drago
By Oliver Newman

ON: Can you tell the readers a little about yourself?
RD: I'm 24 years old, I began training in August of 2001 and made my debut in August of 2002. My trainers were "The American Dragon" Bryan Danielson, Mike Modest, Donovan Morgan and Bison Smith.

ON: Were you a Wrestling Fan growing up, and if so who were some of your favourites?
RD: I started watching Wrestling when I was 3. I liked the traditional heroes: Hulk Hogan, Ricky Steamboat, and The British Bulldogs.

ON: Was there a defining moment/match when you said this is what I want to do for a living?
RD: In the summer of 2000 my brother and I went to Los Angles for Extreme Championship Wrestling's 'Heatwave' PPV. I decided I wanted to be a wrestler when I saw the Van-Terminator (utilised by Rob Van Dam).

ON: Which Wrestling school did you go to?
RD: I found a relatively local place called Pacific Coast Sports. I say relatively, but it was actually a two hour drive each way.

ON: Who were you trained by?
RD: Initially, Donovan Morgan. A few months in though, he had a falling out with the company and left. Bryan took over training, I actually wound up getting a lot of extra training with Bryan, sometimes 2-4 hours a night more, since I was willing to stay late and get beat up by Sara Del Ray. I trained with Bryan for 9 months, up until he left for The Inoki/New Japan Dojo in L.A. After that, I moved to Donovan Morgan and Mike Modest's Pro-Wrestling IRON group, where I trained until it closed in August of 2005.

ON: Thoughts on your trainers?
RD: Bryan has an exceptional eye for detail. He's the type of guy who will spot the smallest flaw and point it out for correction. He was also very easy to get along with and never buried someone to placate his own ego. Mike Modest has an ESP when it comes to wrestling. I've seen him make a cup of coffee, (thus not watching the ring), then call the move/sequence back to us, point out what we did wrong and tell us what would have looked better. All seemingly without looking!

Donovan is one of the best guys I've met in wrestling. You do right by him and he'll fight to the death for you! There are a lot of bull shitters in wrestling, Donovan isn't one of them. He's just a great guy to work with. Bison, despite his size, is exceedingly kind. He always made time to work with anyone who needed or wanted help.

ON: Can you explain the trials and tribulations involved in training to become a Professional Wrestler?
RD: Training means turning your entire life upside down. It's a lifestyle and not one to be taken lightly! I actually weighed in at 250lbs when I started training. I also had about as much muscle on me as a 12 year old Ethiopian girl. This meant a complete overhaul of my diet and exercise routines. I literally ate egg whites, dry chicken breasts and tuna for 3 solid months. I would then run for an hour every morning before breakfast, then lift weights for two hours. This eventually lead to me dropping 50 pounds in 3 months.

There is also the driving to take into account. I had to drive 4 hours total, 3-5 days a week for 4 years. In that time I think I went through 3 cars! Injuries also tend to pile up quick when your working that hard and there's not much you can do other then take some Advil and tape it up.

There was actually a point when I bruised my static nerve and my legs would go numb every time I wrestled for about 8 or 9 weeks! I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want to take time off. The hard part (with injuries) was in training, when it would happen, trying to get up without giving away the fact that I was hurt.

ON: Thoughts on Sara Del Ray?
RD: She's a lady! (It's an inside joke, but if she reads that, she'll understand it). She is super nice and just as tough. I've seen guys that won't take half as much punishment as she will. She truly deserves all the praise she's been receiving lately. We actually started around the same time and trained together for about 3 and a half years. It's also nice to see a woman in Wrestling who's actually good, and not just good for being a woman!!

ON: Do you have a best or worst moment during training that you would like to tell the readers about?
RD: Not really a best or worst, just kind of a funny one. This happened early in my training. On this particular day, Brian "Spanky" Kendrick was the guest instructor. If you've never met him, let me say, he can be a bit head strong. Due to my transportation situation, I arrived late.

Upon seeing me, Brian told me to take off my shirt and go to the parking lot for cardio. Basically, he ran my ass off and yelled the whole time. At one point, during sprints, my Asthma started kicking in bad. I stopped to use my inhaler only to hear, "WHAT THE F--K ARE YOU DOING!?!!?" I looked up at him and he saw my inhaler and said "Oh." It's funny now, but it was gruelling as hell when it happened.

ON: Thoughts on Brian Kendrick as a wrestler and as a person?
RD: He's a nice guy and a good wrestler, just a bit head strong at times.

ON: You trained for a year before your debut match, what were you thoughts leading up to the match?
RD: As bad as it may sound, my thought was "About f--king time." A couple of guys I started with had already debuted. I was put on the back burner. It sucked because Bryan left for LA the same day I had my first match. I was sad he wasn't going to be able to give me input on it, but in retrospect, I'm glad he never saw it. It was bad!

ON: Thoughts on your opponent?
RD: His name was Robert, he was a nice enough guy.

ON: You wrestled the first match for new upstart promotion Pro Wrestling Guerrilla in July 2003. How did this come about and what were your immediate thoughts prior to your debut?
RD: Well, I actually wasn't booked. I had driven down with Hook Bomberry and Apolo Kahn, just for the hell of it! Apparently Phoenix Star didn't show up and Joey Ryan, who I'd wrestled previously, asked If I brought my gear. I did and he put me in the match. My opinion prior to the show was" How long is this going to last?". Considering what it takes monetarily to run a company like PWG, I wondered how long they would be able to do it. Apparently, quite long!

ON: You teamed with Topgun Talwar and Zokre v Charles Mercury, Sara Del Rey & Supa Badd, could you share your thoughts on the match?
RD: The first thought I had was "This match was going to be WAAAY too long". My concern was we were going to kill the rest of the card. An opening match, in my mind, should be fast paced, fun and under 10 minutes. We went 13+ minutes. If the opening match is the best of the night, why hang around for another 2 or 3 hours?

ON: Could you also share your thoughts on both your partners and your opponents?
RD: Topgun is damn funny, Zokre is good at Lucha. Charles has improved a lot thanks to training at Inoki Dojo, Supa Bad is a very nice guy and Sara, as mentioned earlier, is just awesome.

ON: The biggest match of your career thus far was a six man tag with You, Mike Modest & Donovan Morgan v Sal Thomaselli, Yoshinari Ogawa & Japanese legend Mitsuharu Misawa, tell us how you came to be involved in this match?
RD: In January of 2004, Mike had told me that they were going to start pitching me to the NOAH office to go and train in their dojo in Japan. In the months leading up to the shows, and really since I'd entered IRON, I'd been doing a lot of gofer work (Picking guys up at the airport, dropping tickets off, flyers etc). If it needed to be done I did it. A few weeks before the show, I got a call from Mike. We talked for a bit and he just sort of dropped it on me!

"You're going to be teaming with us against Misawa, Ogawa and Sal". I was actually pretty calm when he initially told me. We talked a bit more, I thanked him, then hung up the phone and yelled a very loud "F--k YEAH!!!".

ON: Your thoughts on the match?
RD: I was so scared! Misawa is my favourite wrestler and to be in the ring with him was unbelievable!!! I felt fine before and during the match, afterwards however, my heart just wouldn't stop pounding. He's much bigger then you'd guess. I always heard Japanese wrestlers worked their height, then I met him and suddenly felt very small!

ON :Thoughts on your opponents?
RD: Misawa is a legend and well deserving of that title. Hands down my favourite wrestler to watch. Ogawa is funny as hell and works a very underrated style. He tends to get over looked since he wrestles more like an American, but he's still quite good.

ON: Your next big match was against (PWG Battle Of Los Angeles winner) Davey Richards in Pro Wrestling War, thoughts on the match and Davey?
RD: I actually didn't like the match. Davey and I have fairly similar offence and it's actually kind of limiting to wrestle someone like that. Right off the bat you know you either have to cut a lot of your offence or do the same thing.

ON: How did you get the shot in TNA?
RD: Actually, Mike and Donovan got it hooked up through Terry Taylor. Terry told them to find a third guy for the match and they asked me to do it.

ON: Thoughts on match v LAX?
RD: Well if you break it down by pay vs. length of match, it was the most profitable match I've ever had!!

ON: Thoughts on LAX?
RD: They're some nice guys. Homicide has a pretty unique style, Konnan was good in his prime, but from what I understand his hip is pretty bad now. Machete, who was there third at the time, seemed to disappear pretty quick after that. I've never seen anything else of his.

ON: Thoughts on the NWA/AWS/WPW 2006 Best of the West tournament?
RD: I actually wanted to talk there and cry racism as the two Russian Jews were pitted against each other in myself and Alex Koslov! It was a fun match, I actually enjoyed it a lot. Also, in another example of me being a star maker, Alex got signed to CMLL not long after our match.

ON: Thoughts on Indy Promotions?
RD: I think the most important thing for any Indy promotion is to find a good balance. Too many companies try and do too much too soon (E.g.1PW) or they are too cheap when it comes to talent to ever draw. I believe, ultimately, it's good wrestling that brings people back. Not angles, gimmicks, or promos. If your not willing to spend the money to put on a good show or you are too careless with the money you have, you can look forward to very limited success in the wrestling business!!

ON: Do you have a favorite Wrestling promotion to watch in 2007 (if so why is said promotion your favourite)?
RD: Pro-Wrestling NOAH! It's hands down the best promotion in the world, and a place where you can see just about every type of wrestling done to it's fullest.

ON: Thoughts on WWE as we stand in 2007?
RD: They're doing their thing.

ON: Thoughts on TNA?
RD: I would like to see Impact extended to 2 hours. They have too many guys and too little TV time right now. I honestly don't watch wrestling on TV that often. I stick to DVD's as they tend to give me what I actually want.

ON: Thoughts on ROH as we stand in 2007?
RD: They seem to be doing good, hopefully, they won't stretch themselves too thin.

ON: Do you have a greatest moment/match of your career thus far?
RD: My greatest moment was getting to wrestle Mitsuharu Misawa, but my greatest match was with Nigel McGuiness.

ON: If you could pick one Ryan Drago match to showcase yourself to the readers which would it be?
RD: The one coming soon to their neck of the woods, so be sure to show up! Or they can just watch the matches on my (myspace) page.

two 2006 retro concert reviews

LIVE FROM LONDON - MARCH 21 AT BOWERY BALLROOM
By Diana P. Olano

I'm a complete anglophile. Going to Live from London showcase on March
21 at Bowery Ballroom was a no-brainer. I love music. I love British
people. I love British people who make music. And Bowery Ballroom is
probably the best venue in the city. As expected, it was not a
disappointing evening.

The first Londoner up that night was a rapper by the name of Plan B.
With a guitar in hand and a drummer to back him up, Plan B went off on
tirade of the troubles of living in the London ghettos. I'm not
opposed to rap and music of the like, but Plan B and his lyrics of
prostitutes, drug addictions, sexually transmitted diseases, and other
more depressing subjects made me a bit suicidal. At least his singing
was a nice calm in between the abrasive shouts for AIDS prevention.

Boy Kill Boy was up next, and from what friends had told me, they were
going to be fun. And that's exactly what they were: fun, with typical
Brit-indie pop songs that I'm a bit tired of hearing, actually. Their
single "Suzie" had most of the crowd singing along, but during other
songs, I got kind of, um, bored. Too many bands are playing the same
style. Boy Kill Boy are just another.

However, I would have rather taken another set from Boy Kill Boy then
endure what was about to follow.

Towers of London are a wannabe Sex Pistols band but come off trying
too hard, with their teased hair (I wonder how long they spent hair
spraying it), matching wife beaters, and beat up chuck taylors. The
songs were nothing special. With a name like "Towers of London", I
didn't actually expect something worth hearing. And the band, which
apparently weren't wanted for this showcase, gave it to us like we
actually knew who they were, and then some.

You're not supposed to fear for your safety at a show. When the lead
singer swung the mic all over the front row and barely missed
clobbering someone in the audience, I got a bit scared. When he tossed
a chair around the stage, I got a little more scared. Luckily, that's
as far as it went. Until they ended their set, that is. In trying to
aim at a man who was telling the band off (and rightfully so), the
guitarist kicked the mic stand, missed his heckler, and hit an
innocent bystander on her forehead. I can still hear her wailing as
she was dragged out of the main floor, grabbing her bleeding head. I
hope she sued the douchebags.

Headliners The Rakes came on shortly after and saved the night.
They're in the vein of the British dance bands that have recently come
out of the woodwork, but they still remain distinct in their sound,
lyrics, and performance.

Lead singer Alan Donahoe flailed and twitched his way through an
energized setlist that kicked off with "Terror!" and never let down.
The audience, which I noticed consisted of more Brits than usual,
danced, pogoed and chanted lyrics throughout the night. Someone
eventually threw a beer cup at Donahoe, which landed directly on his
chest. I think it's a British thing. Shows appreciation or something.
Whatever. The Rakes reminded us scenester New Yorkers why deep down,
we all want to be a little English: They know how to have a good time.

-30-

LIVE FROM LONDON - MARCH 21 AT BOWERY BALLROOM
By Diana P. Olano

I'm a complete anglophile. Going to Live from London showcase on March
21 at Bowery Ballroom was a no-brainer. I love music. I love British
people. I love British people who make music. And Bowery Ballroom is
probably the best venue in the city. As expected, it was not a
disappointing evening.

The first Londoner up that night was a rapper by the name of Plan B.
With a guitar in hand and a drummer to back him up, Plan B went off on
tirade of the troubles of living in the London ghettos. I'm not
opposed to rap and music of the like, but Plan B and his lyrics of
prostitutes, drug addictions, sexually transmitted diseases, and other
more depressing subjects made me a bit suicidal. At least his singing
was a nice calm in between the abrasive shouts for AIDS prevention.

Boy Kill Boy was up next, and from what friends had told me, they were
going to be fun. And that's exactly what they were: fun, with typical
Brit-indie pop songs that I'm a bit tired of hearing, actually. Their
single "Suzie" had most of the crowd singing along, but during other
songs, I got kind of, um, bored. Too many bands are playing the same
style. Boy Kill Boy are just another.

However, I would have rather taken another set from Boy Kill Boy then
endure what was about to follow.

Towers of London are a wannabe Sex Pistols band but come off trying
too hard, with their teased hair (I wonder how long they spent hair
spraying it), matching wife beaters, and beat up chuck taylors. The
songs were nothing special. With a name like "Towers of London", I
didn't actually expect something worth hearing. And the band, which
apparently weren't wanted for this showcase, gave it to us like we
actually knew who they were, and then some.

You're not supposed to fear for your safety at a show. When the lead
singer swung the mic all over the front row and barely missed
clobbering someone in the audience, I got a bit scared. When he tossed
a chair around the stage, I got a little more scared. Luckily, that's
as far as it went. Until they ended their set, that is. In trying to
aim at a man who was telling the band off (and rightfully so), the
guitarist kicked the mic stand, missed his heckler, and hit an
innocent bystander on her forehead. I can still hear her wailing as
she was dragged out of the main floor, grabbing her bleeding head. I
hope she sued the douchebags.

Headliners The Rakes came on shortly after and saved the night.
They're in the vein of the British dance bands that have recently come
out of the woodwork, but they still remain distinct in their sound,
lyrics, and performance.

Lead singer Alan Donahoe flailed and twitched his way through an
energized setlist that kicked off with "Terror!" and never let down.
The audience, which I noticed consisted of more Brits than usual,
danced, pogoed and chanted lyrics throughout the night. Someone
eventually threw a beer cup at Donahoe, which landed directly on his
chest. I think it's a British thing. Shows appreciation or something.
Whatever. The Rakes reminded us scenester New Yorkers why deep down,
we all want to be a little English: They know how to have a good time.

-30-

new minute or so

Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

Congratulations to Sammy Sosa on making the Texas Rangers opening day roster. Thankfully for Sosa, most restaurants in Arlington do not charge a corkage fee.

Those watching a recent Cubs-Diamondbacks game were treated to a rare sight: a female umpire. Just what ballplayers need - an official who remembers the details of every single argument, and will also bring up arguments from previous games.

In basketball, LeBron James cheered up his teammates after their loss to the Knicks by taking them to a topless bar. His plan worked great - it was the most focused the team has been all year long.

Injured superstar Dewayne Wade practiced for the first time in 6 weeks and should be ready for the playoffs, assuming the Eastern Conference bothers to show up.

Golf Digest did not include Trump International Golf Club on its list of "America's 100 Greatest Courses." Reviewers didn't like the way the sand traps had been combed over. And the casino on the 12th hole is just gaudy.

The NFL has cancelled an exhibition game in China between the Patriots and Seahawks, disappointing the millions of Matt Hasselback fans in mainland China.

And NFL League owners have voted 30-2 to make the video replay system a permanent officiating tool. In related news, NFL League owners have voted 30-2 to make the video replay system a permanent officiating tool. The Detroit Lions will not use the replay system, as they always make the same mistakes anyway.

For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com

new sports minute... or so

Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

Former major league pitcher Ugueth Urbina has been sentenced to 14 years in prison for the attempted murder of five workers on his family's ranch. Urbina is still thankful he doesn't have to play for the Cubs. No one was actually killed in the incident – and we thought Urbina was a closer.

Yao Ming's basketball jersey is not among the top sellers in China, mainly because all those jerseys look alike.

The NBA and the Cleveland Cavaliers have said that LeBron James will no longer be allowed to have his son sit on the bench. David Wesley is thrilled, as he will get his seat back. James also just finished building a massive house that includes a theater, bowling alley, casino and barber shop. The house is so cool, you almost forget the front door is located in Cleveland. When James retires, he can sell the place and buy a studio apartment in New York.

Turning to college, the son of North Carolina State basketball coach Sidney Lowe faces more than 20 criminal charges from two separate attacks. Authorities predict he could be sentenced to 25 years on the Cincinnati Bengals.

Former Bears LB Steve McMichael has been named the head coach of the Chicago Slaughter, a seven-man indoor football team. McMichael said that it's one notch below arena football, which makes it three notches below Rock-Paper-Scissors.

And four men have been arrested after part of a man's ear was bitten off during a Greece/Turkey soccer brawl. Mike Tyson has since apologized. This kind of soccer hooliganism is more common in England, since a human ear is a nice alternative to British cooking.

For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com

Bring back BBD

Bell Biv DeVoe... we miss you like the deserts miss the rain.

the office's kevin... on thecheappop dot com

New Sports Minute

Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

The World Chess Federation says it's going to start testing for performance enhancing drugs. Like No-Doze.

In cricket, a pathology report has indicated that Pakistani coach Bob Woolmer died of manual strangulation. Latrell Sprewell was unavailable for comment. It's believed to be the biggest sports choke since the 2004 ALCS.

Major League Baseball mandated each team watch a film on the dangers and consequences of steroid use. In an interesting twist, the film was projected on the back of Barry Bonds' head.

Basketballer LeBron James has acquired a minority ownership of Cannondale, a manufacturer of high-end bicycles. It's nice to see James will have something to fall back on in case this whole basketball thing doesn't work out. James has been advised to invest wisely, so that when he retires, he will be able to put gas in all 8 of his private planes.

At the world swimming championships, the United States won four gold medals and set three world records. The United States has the second most powerful swimmers in the world, just behind Tom Brady.

And inspired by his brother's performance on Saturday Night Live, Eli Manning will begin working with a comedy troupe: the Giants minicamp. Eli also proposed to his girlfriend of five years this week which frustrated Giants fans: they are still waiting for Manning to come around. Congratulations, Eli – this is probably the only ring in your career.

For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com

Coming soon to thecheappop.com!

Coming of Age

buy it now. click the pic.

Stache of the Day

Mr. Hal Linden... With decades with a wonderful mustache (we'll forgive you for your dark goatee period), you sir are our ... Stache of the Day

This just in...

James Cromwell, sir... you are one sexy bitch.

Archived movie review: V for Vendetta

'V' for victorious:
Controversial new film is first-rate
By Jon Chattman, for thecheappop.com

MARCH 14, 2006- For years, films based on comic books have gotten a bad rap and rightfully so. Did we really need to see Richard Pryor playing a villain in a lame "Superman" sequel? No. What about Dolph Lundgren in black leather as "The Punisher?" No one needs to see that (and few did). But, something has happened in recent years in cinema. While there still is plenty of superhero celluloid clunkers like "The Fantastic Four," filmmakers like Sam Raimi, Bryan Singer, and Christopher Nolan have revitalized the genre. "Spiderman II," the first two "X-Men" films, and "Batman Begins," have proven there can substance in the storytelling of men in tights, and thankfully "V For Vendetta," the new politically charged film based loosely on the DC Comics' graphic novel by Alan Moore, joins that select company.

The film, which opens Friday, March 17 (postponed from a November 2005 release due to the London bombing attacks last fall), takes place in Great Britain, a fascist state ruled by Chancellor Adam Sutler (John Hurt), who runs a government that is always watching, and handily punishes its citizens if their actions are deemed unacceptable under standards they have set. In essence, people fear Sutler and their government, but that's all about to change. The story unfolds with Evey Hammond (Natalie Portman in yet another remarkable performance), a young woman who is rescued from assailants by a masked man, who lets her in on his plan. The man, who calls himself "V," dresses in black and hides behind a Guy Fawkes mask, is on a mission: He wants the people to overthrow the government. "People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people," he tells her. Before long, V makes a statement and takes to the airwaves telling people in a year, Nov. 5 to be exact ("Remember, remember the fifth of November"); he'll blow up Parliament. In essence, V is a freedom fighter that terrorizes a government who terrorizes its citizens with tyranny and oppression. As months, weeks, and days go by leading up to Nov. 5, the government, notably an antiestablishment agent Finch (Stephen Rea) and Evey uncover V's motives. His actions are all about revenge, and are connected with a disheartening governmental cover-up that's also quite personal.

Andy and Larry Wachowski, the men behind "The Matrix" trilogy, a series lost on this reviewer, deserve all the credit here for creating a captivating story that makes you think: something that's lacking in today's films. Matched with the script, first time director James McTeigue, who was a part of "The Matrix" production team, matched with production designer Owen Paterson, create an authentic dark Orwellian world. The performances better the material. Anyone who has seen her in "The Professional," "Beautiful Girls," "Closer," and "Garden State," know that Portman is an accomplished actress who doesn't need a blue screen. The "Star Wars" prequels failed to capitalize on her talents, but thankfully this film is able to show her range. Spotty accent aside, Portman, who's wrongfully getting more press for shaving her head for the role, nicely shows her character's progression from a vulnerable young woman to a fearless heroine. Her performance is matched by "The Matrix" and "Lord of the Rings" star Hugo Weaving as V. That's quite phenomenal when you consider he's able to create raw emotions behind a mask the entire time. The supporting work is also terrific, but it's Rea and Stephen Frey as Evey's boss Deitrich who standout. The latter is especially memorable.

"V For Vendetta" is the first great film of 2006. Like "Batman Begins," it's not merely all action. There's a lot of raw emotion and great relevant storytelling here. In an age where President George W. Bush's approval ratings are sinking by the minute and terrorism is always a threat, I can't think of a more relevant film to come out this year or any year for that matter. It'll be interesting to see how the public reacts to it.

Archived Review: Grinch on Broadway

“DR. SEUSS’ HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS! THE MUSICAL
At the Hilton Theater, New York

By Gary Chattman

Be careful! All you children from 10-100! There is someone—or something—on Broadway that will possibly steal all the joy from your Christmas celebration! He is THE GRINCH, and you can find him at the Hilton Theatre until January 7, 2007. But be careful! This GRINCH, as played by Patrick Page (who, in an interview, told his auditioners that he would give this musical “heart”) will not only steal your Christmas presents, but steal the hearts of all!

Mr. Page is the heart and soul of this production. His personality is overwhelming—and for an hour-and-a-half the words of Dr. Seuss (Theodor eisel) are brought to live in this larger-than-life show. He sings! He scowls! He laughs! He appeals!

At this theatre, on one December day, this show, with enthusiastic direction by Matt August, delightful choreography by John Deluca and Bob Richard, the audience is pelted with snow! And, as we have seen, the sets by Beatty and lighting by Pat Collins shine! For we thoroughly enjoyed this show, sublime!

You can hear John Collum (as Old Max—the dog) narrates; you can see Rusty Ross, who plays Young Max; you see a White Cast, Red Cast, and lots of energy: that’s the facts.

So forget the forgetful music, and don’t watch your watch for the time; instead enjoy this muse—with words from Dr. Seuss!

Archived theater review: Mary Poppins on Broadway

MARY POPPINS
At the New Amsterdam Theatre, New York City
Opens November 16, 2006
By Gary Chattman

“Just a spoonful of sugar will help the medicine go down”…says one song from the Cameron MacIntosh/Disney show “Mary Poppins”, based on the stories of P.L. Travers and the Walt Disney movie. And you can bet that this show gives its audience more than just a “spoonful of sugar”. It is a delightful romp for all ages; those who are young, those who are older and those who are young-at-heart!

The direction of Richard Eyre is seamless. The scenic and costume design by Bob Crowley rule. You simply won’t believe the (expensive) floating in-and-out of the home of the Banks family, on “Cherry Tree Lane”! You will marvel at the dancing, created by choreographer George Stiles and Matthew Bourne! Watch for Mary Poppins (played with command, talent, cheek and excellent voice by Ashley Brown) float off into the night, over the heads of the audience! Watch for Gavin Lee, imported from the British show, dance rings around the proscenium! Both these performers make one forget Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke! In an interview, Gavin Lee stated that the part of Bert always would be the “property” of Mr. Van Dyke. When you see his energy…verve…talent…you forget Van Dyke! This marvel of a show makes one forget the mundane of everyday life, and it becomes quite “Supercalifragilistic-expialidocious!”

No expense has been found lacking in this “Practically Perfect” musical, with added music to the Sherman Brothers’ original score by George Stiles and Anthony Drewe. The book by Julian Fellowes follows more the wishes of the author, who complained (with a “wink”) about the Disney version that was too saccharine.

We find the Banks family, typically dysfunctional, consisting of bank officer George (played by the genius of “BigRiver”, Daniel Jenkins), who was raised as a child by an evil nanny (scene-stealer Ruth Gottschall). His austere childhood prevents him from connecting and loving his children (Katherine Leigh Doherty and Matthew Gumley, who at their young ages seem like stage veterans) or his wife (played by the golden voice of the recent revival of “Music Man”, Rebecca Luker). Enter the “magical” nanny, Mary Poppins. Mary revitalizes this family with her ally Bert, and various come-to-life statues, birds, stars—and even Queen Victoria! What a plot! What music! (Did anyone hum “Chim Chim Cheree?) What a show! “Step in Time” to the New Amsterdam Theatre. Bring your kids, bring your nephews and nieces, bring your neighbor’s kids—or bring the kid that lurks within you. One lady was overheard at intermission, marveling with nostalgia and love, at the show. She said “I saw this movie with my late grandmother—now I’m at the show.” Such is the remembrance for “Mary Poppins”—the show, in the year 2006: ”It’s a Jolly Holiday”—for all!

Too old for myspace

We miss you guys.

That's more like it

Alex... grow it back.

captain obvious archives

The Cheap Pop's World of Captain Obvious
Captain Obvious presents - 2/16/06
Things I know in 2006
10. Meg White still won't be able to sing
9. The West Wing will head South
8. Gorillaz will remain animated
7. I will urinate on the toilet seat
6. The Yankees will buy another Pennant
5. Beastie Boys will play "Root Down" at some point
4. I will have a really witty answer for number two
3. Jimmy Eat World will actually digest earth
2. Dick Butkis won't be on the Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover
1. My cell phone plan will expire

Captain Obvious presents
19 things I would do if I had a vagina...
12/15/05
1) I'd like get pregnant and shit
2) I'd wear a bra
3) I'd look good dancing
4) I'd shop until I'd drop
5) I'd hate men
6) I'd really identify with Ellen DeGeneris
7) I'd wear high heels
8) I'd take baths
9) I'd like do stuff
10) I'd wear dresses and people wouldn't look at me funny
11) I'd see "Brokeback Mountain" and like it
12) I'd have a period once a month
13) I'd really dig Sarah MacLachlan
14) I'd chew bubblegum loadly
15) I'd play shuffleboard
16) I'd have a crush on Willie Nelson
17) I'd watch "Charmed" and "the OC" and like it
18) I'd have sex with men often
19) I'd read books

Captain Obvious presents 11 things I'd like to see in "Memoirs of a Geisha"
12/10/05
1) McGruff the crimefighting dog solving key plot twists
2) Ken Watanabe's secret fascination with Richard Simmons' "Sweating to the Oldies" tapes
3) Vic Tayback of "Alice" brought back to life via CGI
4) Tyne Daly reading an excerpt of "The Bridges of Madison County"
5) A Michael Bay car explosion
6) Dontrelle Willis of the Florida Marlins questioning Ziyi Zhang about the team's recent firesale
7) Scrooge McDuck spreading Christmas cheer
8) Chow Yun Fat selling yogurt
9) Former professional wrestler George "The Animal" Steele smelling cherry blossoms
10) Sigourney Weaver killing aliens
11) Dick Butkis in a Kimono



Captain Obvious presents
10 words that come to my mind when I think of singer Dido:
1) Delicate
2) Granola
3) Florida
4) Music
5) Sandwiches
6) Seagulls
7) Sunset
8) Bagels
9) Piano
10) Quiche




Captain Obvious presents
Derailed:
Thanks Mr. Conductor, get me the F off
November 29, 2005

They can keep putting "The Polar Express" back in the theaters, re-release it on IMAX screens, put it on DVD shelves- heck throw it up on one of those frickin' old school View Finders, and one thing is simply not going to change: the movie sucks ass. For the children who skipped it last year, and the parents who have yet to drag their Christian offspring to it, here's the deal: Robert Zemekis and Tom Hanks reteamed last holiday season to bring a creepy computer animated film about Christmas where all of the characters look disturbingly awkward. They're not human, they're not cartoons... WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY? Nobody knows... Well, if anyone does, it's Tom Hanks who plays about half a dozen characters in the film. The film's story centers on Santa Claus and whether or not the red and white fucker is real or not... why? Because one boy stops believing... guess the kid didn't get the memo his parents sent that Saint Nick is about as real as Courtney Love's heroin addiction (oh wait, that's a shitty pun)... Anyways, on Christmas Eve, the doubting alien boy wakes up and much to his surprise isn't woken by a sleigh or reindeer bells, but a fucking steam engine. Yeah, okay whatever, Tom Hanks. You're full of shit! So, anyway this conductor invites him on board to take a journey to the North Pole with many apparently homeless children. Eventually, SPOILER ALERT, the kid finds out there is a Santa. Fuck that shit! So, as you can see, this movie offers nothing new to the holiday genre. Throw it up on screens in 3D, make it somehow play on the microwave oven... shit, make it blow me for $5, and "The Polar Express" will keep on sucking. But, I digress, it'll keep coming back like herpes! And Mr. Hanks, throw Peter Scolari a bone would ya!?!


Caption Obvious Presents...
Goodnight sweet Ted

Ted Koppel will leave ABC TV's "Nightline" on Tuesday night after some 25 years of delivering the news. Mr. Koppell never went for the laughs like his competitors (Leno, Letterman). He's a newsman, and with that thecheappop salutes him with our first and final column about Ted Koppel.... THINGS TED KOPPELL WON'T SAY WHEN HE SIGNS OFF OF "NIGHTLINE"....

1. "My vagina hurts."
2. "You want Top Ten Lists? How about top ten ways I can kick your ass, Letterman!"
3. "Goodbye ABC, hello Vodka"
4. "And, I leave you with this, Carol Channing is a revelation."
5. "Calgon take me away"
6. "Where's the beef?"
7. "I thank you for allowing me into your homes... my hair thanks you as well."
8. "Wow, Davy Jones is on thecheappop?"
9. "As Jerry Lewis used to say, you'll never walk alone"
10. "Look at my I'm crazy mophead... now give me some candy"


Caption Obvious presents..
"I'm Too Sexy" For This Article

So, People Magazine wants to name Matthew McCoughnay the "sexiest man" alive? Please! I mean that guy pumps out more bad movies than Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton combined! Sure, he's got the looks and the pecs but doesn't artistic expression play into this at all? I mean maybe if People wanted to have a contest for most sexiest naked bongo player, McCoughnay (that's spelled wrong on purpose people) would be a shoo-in. I'm heterosexual, but I can name at least five dudes who I'd rather shag... you know, if I were gay. Here's the very first Captain Obvious Most Sexiest List... It's a top 8 list... why only 8... because it's time for pasta:
1) Wilfred Brimley: This lovable crusty man is not only a fine actor, but once sold me some oatmeal. He scores even more points because he uttered the word "fart" in "Cocoon."
2) Nelson Mandela: Hey, why not? All this guy's ever asked for is freedom... This is America, People Magazine!
3) Neil Diamond: Turn on your heartlight? More like turn on your heartthrob! This singer/songwriter makes not only girls moan but heterosexual and homosexual guys too! Something tells me if he brought back those porkchop sideburns, he would've edged out that "Sahara" actor - easy.
4) Al Roker: I ask for the news, and this sexy-now-somewhat-slender African American gives me the weather.
5) KD Lang: If only she had a penis.
6) Victor Zambrano: This New York Mets pitcher didn't have much value, but he's got kind of a unibrow and if Salma Hayek has thought us anything, it's unibrows are cool.
7) Adam Curry: This radio host and former MTV God hasn't been seen on television for years, but something tells me that big blond mullet is alive and well and just waiting to be pictured on the People pages.
8) Chris Elliot: "Get a Life?" More like get thee to a photo shoot. This sexy, underrated comedian, who made appearances on "Everybody Loves Raymond" and "There's Something About Mary," must look like an Adonis without his shirt.

Captain Obvious presents:
1 thing that piss me off
November 15, 2005
when people walk into the next bathroom stall when you're still setting the tissue down on the toilet to cover your ass from anal diseases.

Sorry only could come up with one.

Captain Obvious presents:
Rock on you crazy diamond
November 8, 2005

"I don't know much, but I know I love you." Those were the immortal words of Aaron Neville and Linda Ronstandt back in the 1980s, and I'll be damned if those lyrics still don't get the tears going. But, anyways, few things in life are certain, but here's five things I can always bank on when it comes to music:

5. A Kelly Clarkson and/or Rob Thomas song every five minutes on WPLJ radio
4. Endless curiousity whether T'Pau are lesbians as "Heart and Soul" plays
3. Not taking it personally when Tom Petty tells me "Don't Come Around Here No More"
2. Nickelback sucking
1. The Black Eyed Peas repeatedly referring to themselves in their songs

Captain Obvious presents
Some things in life are certain
October 26, 2005

They say nothing in life is certain: Natural disasters are unpredictable. Death can come without warning. Your car could suddenly break down. I could stop writing this column mid-sentence. But having said that, there are a few exceptions to that notion, and I'd like to share two of them with you right now. First, I'd like to say Traveling Matt from "Fraggle Rock" got around. But, more importantly, secondly, I'm 100 percent sure that Chicago rocked when Peter Cetera was fronting the band. Sure, the band still performs with some original members, but it's simply not the same. To take a page post-Cetera, when you see this Chicago walking by, "Baby, look away." What other artist could bring so much raw emotion to a pop ballad that Cetera did? "You're the Inspiration?" That song, in a word, was friggin' "inspirational" because that legendary vocalist was behind the mic. And, what other artist could sing a song about math ("25 or 6 to 4") with such interest and fortitude?
Yes, "From Baby, What A Big Surprise" to "Hard Habit to Break," the latter of which he only sang background vocals, Cetera brought his A-game to a B-band day in and day out. When he left the group in the 1980s, it was like a "where were you" moment in the rock and roll community. Everyone remembers the day Elvis died, the "Dallas" episode when JR was shot, and when that Breakstone guy started selling sour cream, and the same can be said for the day in which Cetera decided to leave Chicago for Okinawa. In 1985, Cetera sang the greatest song ever to appear in a movie with Pat Morita: "Glory of Love" from "The Karate Kid II." (Ralph Macchio is probably still talking this coup up to his friends today.)
As the years went on, Chicago performed without Cetera and the artist had more hits on his own or with white women with frizzy hair he dueted with. The song "After All" from the film "Chances Are" had the singer trading verses with Cher. "Look out Sonny Bono" was a slogan that took America by storm shortly after the film's release. In recent years (the 1990s-early 2000s), Chicago and Cetera have been missing from the public scene. Something tells me, though, if they both joined forces once again they could be the biggest rock group ever again. Chicago once had a Top Ten hit with Jerry Scheff on vocals called "Will You Still Love Me?" I answer with a definite: yes. Join forces Chicago and Cetera. And, when you do just make sure your albums are numbered.

CO's Guide to winter
- October 16, 2005

1) When it is snowing, wear a hat and scarf or you'll get a cold.
2) If the temperature goes below 30 degrees, that means it's chilly.
3) It's never too early to shop for Christmas (even if you're Jewish).
4) Pandas aren't your friend.
5) Salt on the roads is different than salt in your soup.
6) If you leave your house without mittens, and it's cold, you'll die.
7) It's normal for the cheeks on your face to be red in the winter, but if your ass cheeks are it means you have an STD.
8) Jack Frost may nip at your nose, but you'll never see him unless you drop acid.
9) Oatmeal will warm you up, but it'll give you the shits.
10) I can't spell ice-sa-cles.

Hal Sparks interview

archived interview: Hal Sparks

By Jon Chattman, October 2006 for thecheappop.com
Only a few things in life can always be funny:
A dreadfully loud fart in a quiet place is a given. A person tripping on the sidewalk is a sure bet. Hal Sparks? Well, he makes it okay for adults to pee themselves silly. Yes, the comedian, who by appearing on various "I Love the..." VH1 specials has now displaced Rob Thomas as the channel's poster boy, has the power to make us laugh with a simple snide comment, gesture or smirk. Case in point: he stole a scene in "Spider-Man 2" by simply riding on an elevator with the web hero. But, there's more to Sparks than drawing laughs. He's arguably best known for playing Michael Novotny on the acclaimed Showtime drama "Queer as Folk" and most recently for out singing deadbeats on "Celebrity Duets." In addition, he's a martial artist, and lead singer and guitarist for the band ZERO 1. But, let's be honest. This interview aims for the cheap laughs. How could we pose serious questions to a guy who once played tonsil hockey with a Furby and outed "He-Man" on national television?

JC) You've been on all of VH1's decade specials and their sequels: "I Love the '70s," "I Love the '80s," and so on.
Do you think it's premature to start an "I Love the 2000s" special?

HS) When I walk around with my friends and family, I am constantly commenting on current pop culture, political and social goings on. I guess it depends on how you view the shows. If they are about nostalgia, then yes. It's a little weird to get wistful about something that happened last Thursday, but if you just want me to make up some funny shit about what you just saw so we can all have a good laugh then hell, I'll do "I Love 7:25 a.m. This Morning!” I have been working with a psychic to begin writing for the 2007 episode of "I Love the New Millennium". You are going to laugh your ass when you see the clips from Bush's impeachment... hi-larious!

JC) I'll set the TiVo. Hey, is it true that you and Michael Ian Black tried to negotiate with VH1 to be on the air for 23 out of 24 hours a day?

HS) Quite the opposite. We had no idea we were being filmed all this time. We had lunch with this chick from VH1, who turned out to be a cyborg. She had a camera installed in her nose stud. Michael and I felt really used, but like in a good way.

JC) Keeping with that theme but not really, what do you think is the best invention to take off in the 1980s:the Rubik's Cube, the Slinky, or the Rick Moranis? Please explain.
HS) [The] Rubik's Cube, because it still makes a funny paperweight/ADD toy/"wow, I used to have one of those!" conversation piece. The Slinky always sucked, still does. The only thing good was the ad. The song was catchy. It turned out to be total bullshit though. They don't walk down stairs alone or in pairs! Crap! And, as far as I know Rick Moranis was invented in 1953 in Canada. So, better than a Slinky, not as '80s as a Rubik's Cube.

JC) Be honest, you still use a Trapper Keeper.
HS) I do, but only to hold my loose leaf printed version of the Anarchist Cookbook.

JC) Moving on, you worked with Cagney on "Queer as Folk," is it a lifelong goal to work with Lacey?
HS) Er, no. See I worked with the actress who played Christine Cagney. She and "Lacey" are fictional characters. Thanks for letting me know you are a crazy person who has trouble telling reality from fantasy in the first three minutes of the interview, though. Check, please!

JC) But, wait, I didn't order anything. I'll have the chef's salad. Oh wait, sorry, anyway is it true you don't drink alcohol? If so, can you explain how you resisted Zima back in 1994?
HS) It is true. I used the force.
JC) Nice. You speak Mandarin Chinese. Would you have been a better choice than Tia Carrere in "Wayne's World?"
HS) No, Rob Lowe was speaking Cantonese in the movie. So the scene wouldn't have worked (I would have looked hot, but confused) Plus, it would have taken the wind out of "Brokeback Mountain's " sails had I had a scene with Mike Myers prancing in his drawers way back then.

JC) That's a good point, and not too many people know this, but you have several black belts in martial arts. Have you ever kicked someone's ass?
HS) No. I usually aim for the ribs, stomach or the side of the head.

JC) Oh, that reminds me "Dude, Where's My Car?" No, seriously, where is it?
HS) It got towed! Dude, look at the sign! It's Tuesday! 12-2! Dur! Mystery solved.

JC) Damn, I keep forgetting. Anywho, this is the cheap pop, take the time now to plug whatever you want...What projects are you currently working on?
HS) Work! ha ha! I'm voicing a cartoon for Nickelodeon called "Tak and the Power of Juju" (I'm Tak) and I hosted a show for the WB called "Survival of The Richest" that starts airing March 31. My band ZERO 1 is going into the studio Feb. 18 to finish our album. Doug Pinnick of King's X is producing (http://www.kingsxonline.com/) and I'm in development to do two features in China this year. And, I'm going to tour doing Stand-up off and on all year.

JC) Do you ever miss your Talk Soup days?
HS) I really liked doing daily comedy on TV. But, I don't miss E!

JC) Speaking of E!, I'm going to rip this next question from the headlines. Do you lie awake at night concerned about Lindsay Lohan's driving?

HS) No. I pay a photographer to get plenty of pictures of her driving so I can see that she's okay. He gets really good close-ups.
JC) Last question, Hal. Thanks again for the interview. We all need inspiration. If you could give any advice to anyone, what would it be and why?
HS) Never Quit. Always improve. Fear Nothing....and floss.

down with Ian

http://www.thecheappop.com

Stache of the Day: Heath Ledger

Heath Ledger went bert at last month's Independent Spirit Awards and for that... Mr. Ledger - you sir are our Stache of the Day!

Three words that enter your mind... Movie Edition

Introducing a new feature on thecheappop.com's blog... What's three words that enter your mind when you hear....

This regular feature is essentially an Instant Message conversation about what enters your mind when you hear a word... in this case, it's a movie. This week Jon Chattman chats it up with Mark Lungariello...


JonChattman: Executive Decision
Grimwaldi: Smell. Like clams.
Grimwaldi: Chairman of the Board
JonChattman: Suicide for eyes
JonChattman: Xanadu
Grimwaldi: Olivia Newton-Flop
JonChattman: Old Gringo
Grimwaldi: never saw it
Grimwaldi: Million Dollar Baby
JonChattman: swank big jaw
JonChattman: Batman and Robin
Grimwaldi: Oh my gay

300...

as in 300 lines of shitty dialogue...

Sexual Explosion Inside Liza Minnelli?

Nah, but we at thecheappop would like to wish Ms. Minelli a very happy birthday... you don't look a day older than death.

Heavy Jon and the Alou

Welcome to New York, Moises. Can I call you... um Moises?

nice bert link

http://www.thehumanmarvels.com/2007/03/le-ptomane-fartiste.html

Embrace the Stache

thecheappop.com will soon be re-embracing that beautiful patch of fur above a grown man's lip.... coming soon thecheappop.com's all-things-stache section.

It's a bird...it's a plane..it's an old movie review!

It's a bird...it's a plane... It's a reviewer breaking out his old
Superman underoos

Movie review: Superman Returns
Thanks to Singer, a hero is reborn
By Jon Chattman - June 2006

As Lois Lane, Kate Bosworth's hair looks like it hasn't been washed in
weeks. The curly brown style with a hint of highlights looks right out
of a bad 1980s TV Movie. Thankfully, that, for the most part, is the
only thing wrong with "Superman Returns," a masterwork from director
Bryan Singer that ranks with "X2," "Batman Begins," and "Spiderman" as
the best superhero movies ever. At the very least, it's the first true
superhero epic.

Singer made headlines by opting out of the third "X-Men" film in favor
of helming the Man of Steel. That decision ended up weakening the
mutant franchise (Brett Ratner took over the reigns
and while "X3" is somewhat entertaining, it lacked the meat the first two films had), but breathing new life
into Superman, who last appeared on screen opposite a bleach-blond Jon
Cryer - nuff said.
While he reinvents the DC hero for modern audiences, Singer pays homage
to the superior but dated 1978 original directed by Richard Donner
-both starring the late Christopher Reeve. In many ways, the movie
feels like a sequel to the first two superior films. It helps that
Brandon Routh, in the title role, bares a striking resemblance to
Reeve. But, "Superman Returns" stands on its own as a film force. It
opens with the man in tights returning to Metropolis after doing some
soul searching in his native Krypton. He had left the city some five or
six years ago to find out who he really is and what his purpose is in
life. With the words of his late father Kal-El(the late Marlon Brando
resurrected from the original film to great effect)ringing in his head,
he realizes he's here to protect and serve the people of earth. And,
boy does he.

Superman makes his comeback public by saving a space shuttle from
crashing into a baseball stadium. The sequence is nothing short of
breathtaking.His return, which coincides with alt-ego ClarkKent's
return to the Daily Planet (I still find it amazing no one realizes
Kent is Superman because of some nerdy specs- but I digress), is
welcomed with open arms especially by Daily Planet editor Perry White
(Frank Langella), a news whore who's always out to sell papers.
Longtime love Lois Lane (Bosworth) isn't quite as excited. She's still
ticked off that Superman left her without a goodbye. (Kent leaving
apparently didn't hurt too bad.) But, the ace reporter has moved on, on
the surface anyway. She's engaged to White's nephew Richard (James
Marsden of "X-Men" fame) and has a son Jason (Tristan Lake Leabu) to
keep her mind off the codpiece. Lane even snagged a Pulitzer for her
story "Why the World Doesn't Need Superman." Ouch.

Arch nemesis Lex Luthor (a biting Kevin Spacey reteaming with his
"Usual Suspects" director) isn't bursting with fruit flavor to see
Superman back either. After spending years in prison thanks to the
superhero, Luthor is back with a vengeance. The bald villain, who has
conned his way into a fortune and an early jail sentence, is plotting
world domination, and, in doing so, discovers a way to permanently take
down Superman. Let's just say it involves crystals and Kryptonite.

The reason "Superman Returns" works so well is every reason why "X3"
didn't. The film doesn't rely solely on effects and gifted actors to
make with the dialogue they're given. It's not merely spectacle here,
there's amazing effects but also a story, and real characters with
strong back stories. Screenwriters Michael Dougherty and Dan Harris
provide weight to ensure the story is always fresh and engaging. The
fact the story holds up throughout the film's two-and-a-half-hour
length is a testament to them and Singer's direction. The near-perfect
casting also helps.

Relative unknown Routh makes a sparkling superhero. Like Reeve before
him, he is able to convey the superhero's heart and soul. We can tell
how torn he is being a stranger in a strange land. It's also evident
that his time away has truly given him a purpose. The actor also has a
good time portraying the baffling Kent.

While she looks a bit too young for the role, Bosworth delivers her
first fully realized performance as Lane. She's able to show how
conflicted her character is between the life she's made with Richard
and Jason and the super life she once had (and now, can still have).
Spacey starts out slow as Luthor, but gains momentum throughout the
film. He'll ham it up in one scene (thankfully not quite as Gene
Hackman did in the past), and be ruthless in the next. There's more to
the villain here than outrageous wigs and one-liners. Case in point:
watch him stab Superman with a piece of Kryptonite.

In other turns, Parker Posey sinks her teeth into Lex's sidekick Kitty.
Marsden and Langella also offer fine support. Along with "V for Vendetta," "Superman Returns" is among the year's best thus far. And, given the climate of today's world, the movie couldn't have come at a more opportune time. We need someone to trust, and someone to believe in. We need to know there's a cause that is worth fighting for. In the real world, we unfortunately don't get that.
On screen, however, we do and thank god for that.

Concert review: The Rakes - 7-05-06

The Rakes, Bowery Ballroom, 7-05-06
By Diana P. Olano

A sure thing. Consistent. Not changing. I guess these could be taken as
compliments... or as signs that you need to change things up a bit. In
the case of The Rakes performance at Bowery Ballroom on July 5,
they're a little of both. Their consistency isn't a horrible thing,
however, as a normal Rakes gig is nothing less than a dance party.
That's right. A friggin' dance party.

The London-based band opened with crowd favorite, "22 Grand Job". Lead
singer Alan Donohoe, who doesn't dance but seizures on stage, had the
kids pumping fists, dancing, and singing along from the get-go. Not a
complete shocker for the band, as New York has always been pretty
receptive towards them, but that is one constant that everyone is
happy to keep.

Donohoe, along with guitarist Matthew Swinnerton, bassist Jamie
Hornsmith, and drummer Lasse Petersen, matched in white shirts and
excitement. You could tell these guys were honestly loving what they
were doing - another great thing to see hasn't changed. Highlights of
the set included, "Work Work Work (Pub, Club, Sleep)", "Violent", and
set closer "Strasbourg", during which I felt the Bowery's floor shake.
With the disco ball lit up during a few songs, it felt like being a
club; a club that plays great music and with a crowd that doesn't care
how or how much you shimmy.

That all said, maybe something could be different? I'm not sure what,
though. It was my third time seeing them and although it was fantastic
(per usual), it felt like the same show. They don't have much material
to borrow from, what with only having one album under their belt. They
did play a few new tunes that sounded great, but... I don't know. I'm
not complaining. Not even close to it. Maybe they need to try a new
venue? No. Forget that suggestion. Different equals bigger and I don't
want that.

Nevermind. Change isn't for everyone. Just put on your dance shoes and
go see them. Now.

Archived theatre reviews by Gary Chattman

BARNUM at Westchester Broadway Theatre, 2006
By Gary Chattman

You can search the jungle
for TARZAN; you can try to find a good WEDDING SINGER, and you can have
a bloody good time as does LESTAT, but you won’t find a more
entertaining show on Broadway, than Barnum at the Westchester Broadway Theatre through July 8. Why travel into Manhattan to a show that took millions of dollars to produce to a show that the critics said was horrible‚Why travel
into Manhattan and pay $110 for an orchestra ticket; $50-per-dinner and
another fortune for gas and parking, when all you have to do is take a
short drive to Elmsford to see a fantastic, stylish musical?‚And
you get a fabulous dinner to boot!

Come Follow the Band to see a highly talented, high-rope walker, Robert
Preston-clone named Tony Lawson portray P.T. Barnum, inveterate showman
and purveyor of hokum, tell you that There Is A Sucker Born
Every Minute. You will also find Ann Van Cleave, as wife
Chairy Barnum, who plays a clever, song-full counterpoint to her
husband.‚You can also see the world’s oldest
woman ”Thank God I’m Old”Terri White (from the original Broadway cast) sing up a storm! Watch carefully, for the miming talents of Matt Baker are dazzling!‚
Courter Simmons plays Tom Thumb and he finds that “Bigger Isn’t Better!”Allison Spratt, as Swedish nightingale Jenny Lind (who has an affair
with the aforementioned P.T. Barnum) has a sweet voice, and the
ensemble led by Robert Hedglin-Taylor of the MoscowCircusSchool ,
makes this show a special treat.

The qualities of production at Westchester Broadway Theatre continue to dwarf current Broadway offerings.This three-ring circus blends the circus with
Broadway. he music by Cy Coleman and Michael Stewart are very melodic (how many tunes from current Broadway “hits” can you hum during intermission)‚And did I mention the food?

-30-

ALL SHOOK UP – Theater Review
By Gary David

Elvis lives!All Shook Up keeps the King’s spirit (and pelvis) alive. The new musical, which opened at the Palace Theatre on Broadway two weeks
ago, is a sparkplug in a rather dismal show season.

When Elvis visited a town, in those you knew that there would be a “whole lot of shakin’” goin on, as well as a lot of “cryin’” in the chapel. Elvis is back in town, but it’s the spirit of his music that lives, not the man!
The show brings us back to the time of 1955, in the Middle of a Square
State in the Middle of a Square Decade, where love has long
simmered beneath the surface.‚One day, a Roustabout named Chad (Cheyenne Jackson in a star-making performance) rolls into town, and these unrequited loves boil to the surface. His foil, the “grease-monkey” Natalie Haller,played by Jenn Gambatese who sings and acts with commanding spirit, and, who envies the freedom
of the road, and the freedom she finds while portraying a man (shades
of Twelfth Night of a man named Shakespeare).

Secondary leads, particularly Mark Price, as Dennis, who loves Natalie (but, of course, in musical comedy, she doesn’ t love him)and who steals every scene
he is in, and the vocal powerhouse Sharon Wilkins, who stops the show
whenever she belts a song, add to the verve and merriment of this show.

This comedy-of-errors (with a nod to Footloose and a wink to My Fair Lady) eventually makes loving couples out of sleepy people whose
love needs shaking up! Even veteran actor Jonathan Hadary (of Gypsy fame) finds love with the aforementioned Sharon Wilkins, as do the interracial couple of Nikki James and Curtis Holbrook. For 2005, love of any shade seems to be accepted, and we wink at what would be taboo in 1955.‚Eventually even the iron
maiden mayor, played by Alix Korey (with a knock-out voice to match)
ends up with true love!

Even a child of the past decade-or-two can identify with love that
needs music to become airborne.‚And though Elvis has left the building, his spirit and his music is on stage daily at the Palace!

-30-

A "Full" Plate at WBT
A review of the Westchester Broadway Theatre's performance of The Full Monty
By Gary Chattman, for thecheappop.com - Fall 2006

The Westchester Broadway Theatre, in Elmsford, NY, has existed since July 9, 1974. They have produced 148 productions in that time. It is the longest running, 52-week-a-year Equity theatre in the state. Professional Broadway Equity performers have starred this past year in such superlative shows as Gentlemen Prefer Blondes; Aida; Barnum, and The Hot Mikado.Now, with The Full Monty, they have even surpassed the Broadway production of same!

I could rave about the sets by Steven Loftus, and the costumes by Matthew Hemesath, or the Lighting Design by Andrew Gmoser, but I must single out Ken Lundie, famous for his 4-piano musical direction of Blondes for accolades. This genius returns to WBT as accompanist for a cast led by Peter James Zielinski, as Jerry Lukowski, and Tad Wilson, as Dave Bukatinsky.

Zielinski is the heart-and-soul of this production, portraying Jerry Lukowski, an out-of-work Buffalo steel worker, who is unable to find work. Jerry organizes a male stripper program to earn money(especially for child support of the son he dotes on). His overweight compatriot, Dave, is suckered into the scheme. In time, Jerry auditions others to join this women's night out.

Joel Briel, as Harold Nichols, the nasty cost-cutting boss who also lost his job, lies to his wife (who is used to the "finer" things) and comes aboard to choreograph the male striptease. Then add Nick Gaswirth, as Malcolm McGregor, who adds great poignancy to the part of a lost soul who first tries suicide and eventually finds true love through the male bonding. Horse is played by David A. White, who played the role on Broadway, and he adds humor and empathy to this excellent production.

Let's not forget the ladies! Patti Mariano (as accompanist Jeanette Burmeister) has a Broadway voice and talent, as does Laurie-Beth Mraz (Pam Lukowski) and the enthusiastic, bubbly Caroline B. Younger (Georgie Bukatinsky) and Dorina DiLullo (Estelle Genovese). You won't forget these ladies!

In short, go to see this production. By the way, the term "Full Monty" means complete male nudity at the end of the show. It explains why the character ladies help sell out this Buffalo performance- they want to see the "end" product. As do many in the audience. I won't spoil it for you, however. See it for the special cast members!
And while you are there, make reservations for the 2006-2007 season. See the Christmas Inn show, then Nunsensations, and so on. I dare you, Nederlander Organization, Shubert Organization, et.al.: Can you provide such professional, inexpensive, delightful shows on Broadway? Can you provide a delicious meal with that entertainment? The Full Monty runs through November 19, and December 28, 2006-January 20, 2007
-30-

“THE COLOR PURPLE’”
At the Broadway Theater, New York

“Dear God, I am fourteen years old. I have always been a good girl. Maybe you can give me a sign letting me know what is happening to me.” Thus begins the 1982 Pulitzer-Prize-winning novel by Alice Walker, as does the award-winning movie directed by Steven Spielberg in 1985, and as does this musical version starring LaChanze.

The story of this child, Celie, begins as she is a “po chile” of 14 years old, who is pregnant with her second child. (The father of her child is her father). She is given as a wife to Mister, who abuses her, even as she raises his children. When he first sees her, he says, Boy, is she UGLY!” That sets the theme for her life, before her spiritual redemption. Through the course of her life’s journey, she loses her sister, Nettie, finds a friend, Sofia, befriends her husband’s mistress, Shug Avery, who is a star on the Jook Joint circuit. The “Mysterious Ways” of God and of love and of belief are mirrored in Celie’s odyssey, until she realizes “I’m Here.”

One might think that translating what is, in essence, a diary, into a Broadway musical might be a daunting task, but with the adapted book by Marsha Norman, the music and lyrics by Brenda Russell, Allee Willis and Stephen Bray, and the masterful direction of Gary Griffin (not to forget to mention the delightful and spirited choreography of Donald Byrd) this adaptation succeeds in moving its audience with a rousing, heartfelt, empathetic spirit.

One of the main reasons this show is such a rousing success is LaChanze, who, as Celie, is the center and focal point of “A Color Purple.” Ms. Rhonda LaChanze Sapp is a resident of Mount Vernon, married to Derek Fordjour, an Atlanta-based artist. She is the mother of two girls, and stepmom of a seven-year-old boy. Her first husband perished on 9/11. He was a bond trader at Cantor Fitzgerald. She wished to commission a painting two years later, in his honor, and her lawyer put her in touch with Derek Fordjour.
LaChanze is a dynamo of energy, with a dynamic voice and dramatic talent to match. Since the show must encompass years of Celie’s life in one theatrical experience of only a few hours, the actress portraying Celie must command the stage and gain our sympathy and empathy. LaChanze does. Did anyone say “Tony” in June?

One of the novel parts of this show is the “Greek chorus” of Kimberly Ann Harris, Virginia Ann Woodruff, and Maia Nkenge Wilson, who comment in song throughout this experience. Their voices are powerful and expressive.

The part of Sofia, who is Harpo’s wife (son of Mister), was played in the movie by Oprah Winfrey; here her shoes are ably filled by Felicia Fields, who has, in the past, played Effie White in “Dreamgirls”. Her voice is superb, her acting moving. Shug Avery, played by Elisabeth Withers-Mendes, stops the show with the song “Push Da Button”, and she does—she does. Kingsley Leggs as Mister, Brandon Victor Dixon, as Harpo, and Darlesia Clearcy, as Celie’s sister Nettie, all are to be commended.

The best summation for this musical can be summed up by the author of the book, Alice Walker, who said, “Love. That’s what this story is really about. You know how big love is? Love is big; love can hold anger, love can even hold hatred…it’s about what you’re trying to give. And often when you’re trying to give something, it has a lot of pain in it. But the pain too is part of the love.” Shug Avery, in the musical says, “I think it piss God off if anybody even walked passed the color purple in a field and not notice it. He’d say, ‘Look what I made for you!’” If we pass the show “The Color Purple” and not see it, God might also be pissed off. “The Color Purple” is a masterpiece!

-30-

Bertometer: Boratometer

We posted this before the movie was even made... High Five!!?

concert review: Audra McDonald

Last year's review ...

Audra McDonald, concert review
At the Performing Arts Center, Purchase College , May 21, 2006
By Gary Chattman

Croton resident Audra McDonald, a past three-time Tony Award winner (for Master Class, Ragtime and Carousel), brought a special concert Saturday night, May
21, 2005 , to the Performing Arts Center at Purchase College.‚The
packed audience was mesmerized by this unique singer/actress/raconteur.

The unique quality of this Self-descripted "white-gay-man-in-the-body-of-a-black-woman" is her bonding with her audience.‚In between sets of songs, she
shares anecdotes of her life, including her memory of her own childhood
as the only African-American child growing up in a white neighborhood. We also hear of Oprah's special conclave of Afro-American Icons, where she was mistaken as a tennis star!‚We hear of her experiences as a wife and mother of a four-year-old; indeed, her opening number about a bass player (like her husband)
titled “Lola” was written by a composer friend, and concludes
with the name of her daughter: Zoë!‚Her tribute to Judy Garland
("The Man Who Got Away") can be likened to her bonding with
the great singers of the past.

One could rant and rave about Ms. McDonald's many accolades, including winning her fourth Tony for 'Raisin in the Sun' in a non-singing part, or her
nomination for an Emmy, or for her various concert performances at
Zankel Hall of Carnegie Hall or at the Frederick P. Rose Hall at Lincoln
Center, of her being the guest soloist with the Philadelphia Orchestra,
or her three albums, but her greatest accolade comes from her singing.

For an hour-and-a-half she literally had her audience eating out of her hand with a varied concert, with arrangements of Ted Sperling, her Music
Director.‚She sang a lullaby to parents (!) and "I Won't Mind," an ode to a caretaker mother.‚She sang "I Wanna Get Married," as well as new songs by a work commissioned for her, "The Seven Deadly Sins," She saluted Broadway
"When Did I Fall in Love?") as well as works from new composers, such as Jason Robert Brown and John LaChiusa.

-30-

the wedding singer on broadway...

here's a review of The Wedding Singer from last spring...

Where's the party?
Not at Broadway's "Wedding Singer"
By Gary Chattman

"The Wedding Singer" was a big hit for Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore
in 1998. The 80s-themed comedy, which featured classic tunes like Billy
Idol's "White Wedding"and The Police's "Every Little Thing She Does is
Magic," succeeded on the two stars' chemistry, witty one-liners, and an
enjoyably lightweight story. Sadly, the Broadway incarnation, which
opened two weeks ago, fails to inspire anyone to "party like it's 1985."
Stephen Lynch, taking over the Sandler role, plays Robbie Hart, a
wedding singer who's left at the altar by fiance Linda (the
show-stopping Felicia Finley) and is befriended by Julia Sullivan
(Laura Benanti), a woman who longs for true love but settles for Wall
Street suit Glenn Guglia (Richard H. Blake). As the two become closer,
it becomes apparent they're destined for each other.
The reason the show doesn't work is because the two leads lack warmth
and the charisma of Sandler and Barrymore. While the duo have their
moments, other cast members fair better, notably Amy Spanger as Julia's
best friend Holly and Rita Gardner, a stand out as Rosie, Robbie's
grandmother.
And, while the show means well, it suffers from music ( by Matthew
Sklar and Chad Beguelin) that, sans one song "Come Out of the
Dumpster," lacks melody. The book, by Beguelin and Tim Herlihy, also
lacks the panache of the latter's film script. Another problem is they
overkill every '80s reference in the book. All-in-all, one comment from
a theatregoer in the lobby, after the show, sums up "The Wedding
Singer" on Broadway: "it's enjoyable, but the movie was better."

-30-

two cd reviews from last year...

here's two reviews from our archives

JONNY LIVES! 'HOLD STEADY'

By Diana P. Olano

If you're a British band, you've already got it one up to your
competition because I pretty much live for music from across the pond.
If you sound like a British band, but technically aren't from the land
of fish and chips, that's okay. So long as you have those sweet, sweet
English influences, I'm good. New York based Jonny Lives! fit the
category with their debut "Get Steady". Their first LP not only
combines the sounds of Brit rock, pop and punk, but you can most
definitely feel and hear what they take from their home in Manhattan's
Lower Eastside.

Album opener "No Good" showcases that definite pop, Kinks-ish sound,
heavy on the drum beats and girl-torturing-boy lyrics - "Am I good by
myself?" asks lead singer Jonny Dubowsky. Guitar-driven "Diamonds and
Roses" and "B-Side" are a little more rough around the edges, but
still command that pop sensibility that a majority of songs on album
have. In other words, they're just damn catchy, whether they're more
rockin' or not. The debut's first single "Get Steady", which the band
have said is lyrically about the "mentality of people spilling out of
the bars...not knowing if they are going to meet the love of their
life, get into a fight" in the LES, is a definite stand out track. "I
don't need no cheap success" declares Jonny on the immensely enjoyable
track. They combine all influences on this one and it couldn't have
worked better.

With a debut like this, Jonny Lives! have the potential to blow away
everyone here and abroad. Like Jonny says: they're ready, they're
ready.

-30-

YOU BE ELAN'
ELAN: TOGETHER AS ONE
By Diana P. Olano

Borrowing from dance hall, reggae, and all island genres in between,
performer Elan makes an impressive debut with his album "Together as
One". Elan, a California native, whose vocals are very reminiscent to
that of reggae vocalist and legend Bob Marley, introduces himself with
an eclectic mix of tracks: from the soft and sweet guitar love song
"Together as One" to the modernly R&B influenced "Girl", that if given
the chance could become the next dance club hit, to "Allnighter", a
calypso track given a little pop flavor thanks to accompanying vocals
from Gwen Stefani. The standout track, however, wasn't the one that
got help from Mrs. No Doubt, but rather from Jamaican artist Tami
Chynn (who compliments Elan's vocals more than Stefani ever could) on
synth-heavy and sultry "Don't You Go".

The album, which is excutive produced by another part of the No Doubt
camp, Tony Kanal, showcases songs that deal with social and economic
injustices he witnessed firsthand ("We Won't Stand for This" and "I
Wanna Yell") while on tour with Bob Marley's band. (Might explain
Elan's vocals which seem to channel the reggae god.) It's not only
about wooing the ladies with Elan. It's this diversity in lyrics and
beats that make "Together as One" an album that anyone can enjoy and
one that only makes us wonder what else this up-in-comer has in store.

-30-

Bert. James Bert.

Odd Job used his hat as a weapon, but we'll always remember this Bond villain for that nicely kept mustache.

Bertometer: Finkus Maximus

The First Mustache

The CheapPop Historical Society (if there is such a thing) has established that one of the first ever mustaches belongs to Ambiorix from Belgium in the year 54 BC.

Bertometer: Gallagher

Bertometer: Gary Gnu

Coming this week to the pop...

It's me... It's me...

DDP

Viva Zapata!

(mexican) rebel with a cause...

He Shoots..He Scores!!!

Dave Babych brings new meaning to the term hat trick...and we all thought Gretzky was the Great One!

Is it us...

or wouldn't you still want to be trapped in the closet with "Teen Wolf's" Boof?

TRIPLE M

Cricket Legend David Boon is our first ever Monday Morning Mustache. Congrats David, We can care less about cricket but that is one heck of a bert...

Stache of the Day

Forget "Cheers," John Ratzenberg is about to let his mustache cut a rug. We'll see you and your bert on "Dancing with the Stars" you mustachoied phenom!

Pepperoni Piazza

Noboby took more balls to the chin than Hall of Famer Yogi Berra but you can imagine that future hall of famer and all-time homerun hitting catcher Mike Piazza is not that far behind...

Mr. Teabag's Top 9 American Icons

Mr. Teabag's Top 9 Masked Men

Frowning with the Yankees...

Here's a semi-regular feature on thecheappop.com blog... frowning with the Yankees. Yankee greats who made us sick to our stomachs... captured on camera forever. Pinstripes Schminstripes...

Michael Kaye with Jon Chattman...

"No really Mr. Kaye, the pleasure is all yours."

Hey remember me?

I was on this blog last night.

Here's looking at you kid...

Standard Messaging Rates Apply

cheappop flashback... Summer 2006...

No go for Bo:
Former "Idol" contestant slams Emmys
By Jon Chattman
The casts of "Desperate Housewives" and "Lost" weren't the only ones who felt slighted when the nominations for the 58th Annual Emmy Awards were announced Thursday morning in Hollywood. Bo Bice, runner-up of the fourth season of "American Idol" is demanding the Academy reconsider omitting his name from the Best Supporting Actor in a Miniseries category. The southern rocker, who didn't actually appear in a miniseries, told the Associated Press that he deserved to be nominated in that category for the music video to his hit single "The Real Thing," which was released earlier this year.

"My video may not have had Helen Mirren in it, but it was a miniseries, man,"the 30 year old said. "I play this rocker guy in it, and this chick is like all up in my grill. But, I wasn't having any of that."
He continued, "The video had everything you'd want in a miniseries: great performances, solid direction, and a powerful story. Any way you slice it, it's better than Belinda Carlisle's 'Heaven is a Place on Earth' video. That was weird shit, man: women holding up globes and wearing fluorescent clothes."

Bice said the Academy probably left his name off the ballot, because there's a "stigma" that comes with being a reality show contestant. "Reality show contestants don't get any respect in the business. That's why Richard Hatch is in jail right now although tax evasion is a pretty serious crime."

While he doesn't expect anything to come from it, Bice has asked fans to text message Emmy voters his name in the hopes he can somehow land on a slot. "Everyone should text message 'Bo Bice' to the Academy. As 'Idol' has thought us, anything's possible, and on an unrelated note, Ryan Seacrest looks like Kermit the Frog," he said.
Bice added, "You can also text message my name to your friends. Everyone needs to be 'Bo Bice'd' every now and then. I 'Bo Bice' myself everyday...usually in the morning."

Prior to his Emmy claim, Bice has made news with a series of unusual appearances and actions. In May 2005, Bice was arrested in Hollywood for crashing a Fruit of the Loom commercial shoot dressed as a banana. In January 2006, the singer appeared on the ABC daytime talk show "The View," and refused to leave the set until Starr Jones ate fried chicken. In March, he campaigned against Dunkin Donuts on the grounds of Fred the Baker dying.
"It's always time to make the donuts," Bice explained at the time.

Most recently, Bice sued Jesus Christ for not replying to his fanmail, and oddly, his lower intestines, which he claims hasn't functioned properly since he had intestinal surgery in August 2005.

On a much happier note, Bice said he's enjoying fatherhood. Last year, he and his wife welcomed a son, who they named Aiken Maroulis after former "Idol" contestants Clay Aiken and Constantine Maroulis. "Being a father is the coolest thing that's ever happened to me," Bice told Vanity Fair last fall. But, he added, "Winning 'American Idol' would've been so much cooler and far less messy."

Vote For Pedro

Pedro Martinez was given the green light to start throwing the ball again, however the green light to start throwing fat bald yankees is still up in the air...

keeping up with Toni Gosnell...

We recently featured an interview with American Idol hopeful Tami Gosnell - here's her upcoming tour dates...

Friday, March 2nd, 2007
1515
Baked! - 10 pm
Denver Co

Saturday, March 10th, 2007
Trilogy Wine Bar
BreastFest 2007! - 9 pm
Boulder Co

Price: Sliding Scale Donations $5-$20

Friday, March 16th, 2007
Delaney's and The Celtic Tavern
Baked St. Patties Celebration! - 4 pm
Denver Co

Saturday, March 17th, 2007
Delaney's and The Celtic Tavern
Baked St. Patties Celebration! - 12 pm
Denver Co

Friday, March 23rd, 2007
The Pioneer Inn
10 pm
Nederland Co

Friday, April 13th, 2007
Dillingers
9 pm
Lafayette Co

Friday, April 27th, 2007
1st Street Pub & Grill
Mountain Jammin! - 10 pm
Nederland Co

Face off... returns

http://www.thecheappop.com



check it now fool

Down with the King

He's got a smokin' wife... and a hunchback and he sometimes reviews movies...

This bud's for you, Larry King.

Why do birds suddenly appear?

To celebrate the month of spring, I decided to start penning lyrics to a new theme song inspired by the 2005 romantic comedy "Must Love Dogs." Here's just a sample of what might turn out to be the most romantic song not sung by Phil Collins.

He loves dogs.

She loves dogs.

They love dogs.

MUST LOVE DOGS!

Pepperoni Piazza!

You can be our designated hitter any day of the week!

Midnight Mustache

Here is a late night bert for all of our blog readers who are joining us for the first time this evening... Mexican President Vicente Fox

Stache of the day...

We asked for the news, and his mustache gave us the weather. Okay, that makes no sense but we salute you Mr. Walter Cronkite anyway. Thanks for years of ethical reporting and lumenious mustache etiquette.

skype icon

nice skype stache

funny F Minus

Tommy Lasorda got it on

http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/6519208

Stache of the Day

Don Cheadle goes bert in his upcoming flick "Talk to Me." He also sports an incredible afro, and for that Mr. Cheadle, you're our bert of the day.

Bertometer: Jesse Barfield

Yo Adrian...

I did it.... Sylvestor Stallone accepting his Jonscar for Best Comeback in "Rocky Balboa".

a stab at the Oscars... Feb 25, 2007

here goes nothing

predicted winners

picture: little miss sunshine

actor: whitaker

actress: mirren

supporting actor: arkin

supporting actress: hudson

director: scorsese

original screenplay: sunshine

adapted screenplay: departed

animated feature: cars

art direction: pans labyrinth

foreign language: pans labyrinth

animated short film: maestro

live action short film: west bank story

documentary: an inconvenient truth

documentary short: rehearsing a dream

cinematography: pans labyrinth

makeup: pans labyrinth

costumes: dreamgirls

song: listen, dreamgirls

editing: united 93

visual effects: pirates

sound editing: iwo jima

sound mixing: dreamgirls

score: babel

archive: Rejected Holiday specials

LAST YEAR'S BEST OFs - Archive

2005... a year in film:
Can I get a big yawn, please?
By Jon Chattman

This year, I faced the music. I've been putting it off for years even though I knew it to be true. I'm a film lover, arguably a connoisseur when it comes to the genre, and nothing gets me more excited than to escape the daily grind via a dim-lit theater showing a great flick. But, 2005 along with recent years has only made it more abundantly clear that the television medium has now surpassed film. I see roughly 80 films in the theater each year, and an approximate half more on DVD, and it was a struggle to pick my top ten best films of the year. If you were to ask me to come up with ten best shows on television, I could do it without blinking: "Curb Your Enthusiasm," "24," "Lost..." heck, I'd even have a problem limiting it to ten. Yes, films as of late have been just about as inspired as a Sheryl Crow formulaic ditty. For every "Walk the Line," there seemed to be ten "Guess Who's" waiting in the wings. In any event, I digress to bring you [cue the drum roll] my various top ten film lists of 2005. Most of the flicks were ho-hum, but a few, proud stood out.

Ten best films of 2005

10. "Match Point"
Woody Allen finally breaks out of Woody Allen mode with this terrific against-type sensual thriller set in England and starring rising stars Jonathan Rhys-Meyers and Scarlett Johansson.
9. "The 40-Year-Old Virgin"
Comedies rarely gain recognition from Oscar voters, but not in my book. This hilarious romp was more than simply an adult sex comedy. Steve Carell bumped himself to leading man status, and the film provided a lot of heart to go along with those crude jokes and gags. This and the nearly equal side-splitter "Wedding Crashers" thankfully brought back the near-obsolete R-rated comedy genre.
8. "The Squid and the Whale"
Jeff Daniels delivers the finest performance of his life as a selfish and elitist father in this raw dramedy about divorce. Laura Linney is equally superb.
7. "In Her Shoes"
This Cameron Diaz/Toni Collette film about sisters never once entered the syrupy waters most romantic comedies and "chick flicks" do. Shirley MacLaine is at her best (and most restraint.)
6. "Batman Begins"
Christian Bale is the best Bat yet, and director Christopher Nolan breathed new life into a franchise Joel Schumacher single-handedly killed.
5. "Proof"
This little-seen gem about father and daughter mathematicians (based on the award-winning play of the same name) featured the finest performance of Gwyneth Paltrow's career. Hopefully, it'll catch on with its DVD release.
4. "Crash"
This gritty drama about race relations featured the best writing (Paul Haggis) and acting ensemble of the year led by Matt Dillon and Thandie Newton.
3. "King Kong"
Yes, it's very long, but Peter Jackson has created the best monster movie ever: full of heart, suspense, and drama. Naomi Watts delivers a fine performance as the object of the beast's affection.
2. "SinCity"
Stylistically, it's off the charts. Thankfully, Frank Miller's dark story holds up as well. The film features one fine performance after another, but Mickey Rourke's Marv steals it.
1. "Good Night, and Good Luck"
In crisp black and white, George Clooney elevated himself by directing, writing, and starring in this smart, near-flawless film about journalist Edward R. Murrow taking down Communist chaser Sen. Joseph McCarthy.


Just missed:
"Wedding Crashers"
"Pride and Prejudice"
"North Country"
"Rent"
"Walk the Line"
-30--

Ten worst films of 2005

10. "The Bad News Bears"
An unnecessary remake which adds nothing to the original... well maybe a few more curse words.
9. "The Ice Harvest"
This wanna-be "Bad Santa" is too dark and unfunny for its own good.
8. "Must Love Dogs"
"Must-hate Movie." This formulaic romantic comedy strikes out more often than Jason Giambi.
7. "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
I don't know what's more embarrassing: the fact it took decades to bring this lame film to the big screen or that I actually paid to see it.
6. "The Fantastic Four"
Cheap effects and a terrible script make for a sub-par superhero flick. There's more entertainment in "
5. "The Ringer"
Johnny Knoxville shows some promise in this film, but for the most part this movie about a man who pretends to be mentally challenged in order to rig the Special Olympics is just plain wrong and worse: unfunny.
4. "Elektra"
It's no wonder Jennifer Garner didn't do any press for this film. It accomplished the unthinkable: it was worse than "Daredevil."
3. "Rumor Has It"
I'm noticing a trend in 2005: really bad romantic comedies. This film about a family loosely based on "The Graduate" is as painful to sit through as most of director Rob Reiner's films have been this decade.
2. "The Dukes of Hazzard"
Come back to us, Tom Wopat. Even Jessica Simpson can't save this horrific film based on the equally corny but so-much-better series.
1. "Broken Flowers"
Don't believe the hype. This Jim Jarmusch mess about a man (Bill Murray) who discovers after two decades he has a kid, is a complete, and unearthly boring drama.

Other top tens...(in brief)
Ten best performances
10. Mickey Rourke- "SinCity"
9. Toni Collette- "In Her Shoes"
8. Philip Seymour Hoffman- "Capote"
7. David Straithairn- "Good Luck And Good Night"
6. Charlize Theron- "North Country"
5. Matt Dillon- "Crash"
4. Juaquin Phoenix- "Walk the Line"
3. Gwyneth Paltrow- "Proof"
2. Reese Witherspoon- "Walk the Line"
1. Heath Ledger- "BrokebackMountain"

Ten biggest disappointments (Not nearly as good as believed it'd be)
10. "March of the Penguins"
9. "Syriana"
8. "Munich"
7. "Corpse Bride"
6. "BrokebackMountain"
5. "Elizabethtown"
4. "Cinderella Man"
3. "Jarhead"
2. "The Producers"
1. "Broken Flowers

-30-

last years oscar predictions - archive

Top of the "Mountain"
Academy will giddy-up for cowboy drama

By Jon Chattman
FEBRUARY 17, 2006 - On March 5, the Oscars will hand out a bunch of gold guys to a movie about two homosexual cowboys. Yes, as Kevin Millar might say, look for the Academy to "cowboy up" and reward Ang Lee's "BrokebackMountain" with at least three wins: the coveted Best Picture, Best Director, and Best Adapted Screenplay. Having said that, history has proven anything's possible with the Academy Awards. Will "Crash" derail the "Brokeback" bandwagon? Will Felicity Huffman upset Reese Witherspoon? Will two character actors (Philip Seymour Hoffman and Paul Giamatti) finally be rewarded with some gold? We'll shall see. Here's our bold predictions of the winners come Oscar night.

BEST PICTURE
Dubbed a landmark film that will pave the way for future moviemaking, the highly-touted "BrokebackMountain" will easily pick up the Oscar. "Crash" stands the best chance at an upset, but it's not likely. Ditto for "Capote," "Good Night, and Good Luck," and "Munich." "Good Night, and Good Luck" and "Capote's" nods were an honor in itself. And, the little seen "Munich" was far from Spielberg's best work. Bottom line: While "Crash" deserves it, Oscar will climb the "Mountain."

BEST ACTOR
Take away Jamie Foxx's win for "Ray" last year, and "Walk the Line's" Joaquin Phoenix would've been a lock. But, Oscar will likely steer clear of a back-to-back victory for a music-themed movie. That said, they won't shy away from awarding an Oscar for another bio-flick. Philip Seymour Hoffman's embodiment of "Capote" will finally land the actor the recognition he's deserved for a decade. Phoenix poses the best threat for an upset, but don't be surprised if "Brokeback's" Heath Ledger or "Good Night's" David Strathairn sneak in albeit it's unlikely. "Hustle & Flow's" Terrence Howard has little chance. The nomination alone has made him a star. Bottom line: It's a three-way dogfight between Hoffman, Phoenix, and Ledger but Hoffman should walk away with it.

BEST ACTRESS
This is a two-horse race between "Transamerica's" Felicity Huffman and "Walk the Line's" Reese Witherspoon. In all likelihood, Witherspoon's flawless performance as June Carter Cash will win out. The Academy may shy away from awarding TV star Huffman with a distinguished film award. That said, they did just that with "Mad About You's" Helen Hunt a decade ago for "As Good as it Gets," so anything's possible. The rest of the nominees don't stand a chance. Dame Judi Dench was terrific in "Mrs. Henderson Presents," but she's already got an Oscar. Ditto for "NorthCounty's" Charlize Theron, who won in this category for "Monster" just two years ago. Lastly, like Howard, Keira Knightley's surprise nomination for "Pride & Prejudice" is a reward in itself.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
"Cinderella Man's" Paul Giamatti will likely win here for his career and past Oscar snubs (respectively "American Splendor" and "Sideways"), but this category is a tough one to call. While he won the Golden Globe, it's not likely "George Clooney" will win for his portrayal in "Syriana." Chances are if the Academy were to reward him, it'd be for co-writing "Good Night." That leaves us with "A History of Violence's" William Hurt, already an Oscar winner, and first-time nominee Matt Dillon for "Crash." In a perfect world, Dillon wins to represent the film's fine cast and his harrowing performance as a racist cop. Bottom line: It's anyone's call, but Giamatti should win although my gut tells me it'll be Hurt.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
"Crash's" Thandie Newton belongs to be on this list, but isn't. As of now "The Constant Gardener's" Rachel Weisz has won nearly every recent award show in this category, but something tells me she won't win the gold guy. Look for "Capote's" Catherine Keener to win here for not only her performance here but her body of work. "Brokeback's" Michelle Williams is the stiffest competition. If there's a "Brokeback" sweep, look for the actress to win here. "North Country's" Frances McDormand, who already has a statue for another Minnesota story- "Fargo," and "Junebug's" Amy Adams, who's nomination alone put her on Hollywood's radar, round out the category. Bottomline: This category stands the best chance at a surprise.
BEST DIRECTOR
"Brokeback's" Ang Lee won just about every pre-Oscar honor. Considering he failed to win in this category for "Sense and Sensibility" and "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon," the director's a sure thing here. "Capote's" Bennett Miller, "Good Night's" George Clooney, "Crash's" Paul Haggis, and "Munich's" Steven Spielberg don't even come close. Bottom line: No contest.
In brief, the rest of the predictions
Adapted Screenplay: BrokebackMountain
Original Screenplay: Crash


Foreign Language Film: Paradise Now
Animated Film: Wallace & Gromit in the Curse of the Were-rabbit
Art Direction: Memoirs of a Geisha
Makeup: Star Wars: Episode III
Score: Memoirs of a Geisha
Original Song: Transamerica
Visual Effects: King Kong
Editing: Crash
Cinematography: BrokebackMountain
Costume Design: Memoirs of a Geisha
Documentary Feature: Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room
Documentary Short: The Death of Kevin Carter
Animated short: One Man Band
Live Action short: The Last Farm
Sound Editing: King Kong
Sound Mixing: King Kong
The Forgotscars: snubbed no more

archive: The Blond Bond

Moviewhore:
The Ken Phelps of movie columns
The Blond Bond by Shawshank Weiner
The rumors were true. It wasn't Clive Owen. Not Ewan McGregor. Hugh Jackman? Please, he's too busy tap-dancing somewhere. Yes, Daniel Craig snagged the coveted role of James Bond on Oct. 14, and no doubt many joined in unison by uttering a big: "eh, who?"
But, if "Layer Cake" was any indication, this relatively unknown Brit, who's perhaps best known for shagging model-turned-cokehead Kate Moss and perhaps Jude Law's ex- Sienna Miller, should make for a saucy spy in the forthcoming "Casino Royale. " But, what if he doesn't? Just in case, thecheappop.com has put together a list of seven actors who could take 007 and the Ian Fleming franchise to another level. Hey, you never know.

James Earl Jones:
It's time this actor got more credit than for breathing heavy in "Star Wars," and selling phonebooks in a god-awful fishermen's vest. Let's put this guy in a tux, and watch him win over the ladies with his charm and trademark baritone

Elton John:
The pop singer could really spice up the franchise. I mean, we've never had a Bond that wears a Donald Duck costume and bangs guys.

Christopher Lloyd:
Arguments were made against Pierce Brosnan's age, but why not go with an older, wiser, and dammit, American James Bond? This "Back to the Future" star needs a comeback like Courtney Love needs a good dose of heroin. Plus, Lloyd would supply the role with some much-needed zaniness.

Carson Daly:
Well, before you judge us, think about it: Daly bangs hot chicks (on second thought, let's take out Tara Reid), and so does Bond. Plus, the former TRL host and current late late late late late night talk show host could talk his villains to death or stare into the camera until his head explodes.

Bruno Kirby:
This gifted character actor has been out of movies for way too long. It's time for Hollywood to embrace him with arguably the biggest role in its rich history. Anyone who saw :"The Freshmen," knows Kirby can show his vulnerable and sexy side: just what the doctor ordered for Bond.

Paul Hogan:
Many fans of the Fleming series have lobbied for Australian stars Hugh Jackman and Russell Crowe for 007. I say, why let them down? Paul Hogan of the classic comedy "Crocodile Dundee" and the endearing "Almost an Angel" would bring class and comedy to the role: two traits the series has had since its inception. Maybe the actor could bring along Cuba Gooding Jr. along for the ride. Damn that "Lightning Jack" gets me.

Jorge Garcia:
Dude, why not? For years, Bond has been a suave, slender son of a gun. Why not embrace "Lost's" lovable hefty actor? He likes his cake batter shaken not stirred.

irrelevent oscar nomination preview from last year

ARCHIVES

Brokeback" bandwagon
Predicting this year's Oscar nominations
By Jon Chattman

If all goes as predicted, the 78th Annual Academy Awards will be highlighted by homosexual cowboys, a transsexual, and a man in black. Yes, barring a cinematic miracle, when the Oscar nominations are announced on Tuesday morning, Jan. 31, "BrokebackMountain," "Transamerica," and "Walk the Line" will lead the charge. "BrokebackMountain," in particular, is expected to take in the most nods. The controversial film has already swept nearly every single pre-Oscar Awards there are. But, history has proven that there will be many surprises and omissions come nomination morning. With that, this journalist boldly goes where everybody has been before. Here are my predictions for who will pick up an Oscar nod later this month:

Best Picture
BrokebackMountain
Walk the Line
Munich
Good Night, and Good Luck
The Constant Gardener

Could sneak in:
Crash
A History of Violence
Capote
Match Point

Best Actor
David Straithairn (Good Night, and Good Luck)
Heath Ledger (BrokebackMountain)
Terrence Howard (Hustle & Flow)
Philip Seymour Hoffman (Capote)
Joaquin Phoenix (Walk the Line)

Could sneak in:
Jeff Daniels (The Squid and the Whale)
Eric Bana (Munich)
Russell Crowe (Cinderella Man)
Ralph Fiennes (The Constant Gardener)

Best Actress
Dame Judi Dench (Mrs. Henderson Presents)
Reese Witherspoon (Walk the Line)
Felicity Huffman (Transamerica)
Charlize Theron (North Country)
Naomi Watts (King Kong)

Could sneak in:
Laura Linney (The Squid and the Whale)
Gwyneth Paltrow (Proof)
Ziyi Zhang (Memoris of a Geisha)

Best Supporting Actor
George Clooney (Syriana)
Matt Dillon (Crash)
Paul Giamatti (Cinderella Man)
William Hurt (A History of Violence)
Bob Hoskins (Mrs. Henderson Presents)
Could sneak in:
Ed Harris (A History of Violence)
Terrence Howard (Crash)

Best Supporting Actress
Rachel Weisz (The Constant Gardener)
Michelle Williams (BrokebackMountain)
Amy Adams (Junebug)
Catherine Keener (Capote)
Shirley McClaine (In Her Shoes)

Could sneak in:
Maria Bello (A History of Violence)
Frances McDormand (North Country)
Thandie Newton (Crash)

Best Director:
David Cronenberg (A History of Violence)
Woody Allen (Match Point)
Ang Lee (BrokebackMountain)
Fernando Meirelles (The Constant Gardener)
James Mangold (Walk the Line)

Could sneak in:
Steven Spielberg (Munich)
Bennett Miller (Capote)
Terrence Malick (The New World)
Peter Jackson (King Kong)
George Clooney (Good Night, and Good Luck)

Best Original Screenplay
Crash
Good Night, and Good Luck
The Squid and the Whale
Paradise Now
Match Point

Could sneak in
The New World
Cinderella Man
Syriana
The 40-Year-Old Virgin

Best Adapted Screenplay
Capote
Walk the Line
A History of Violence
BrokebackMountain
The Constant Gardener

Could sneak in
Pride & Prejudice

In brief
Expect "Brokeback Mountain" to lead the pack with at least nine nominations. Look for "Memoirs of a Geisha" to pick up nods for costumes, make up, score, and art direction. "King Kong" should clean up in all technical categories especially sound, sound effecrs editing, and special effects. "The Chronicles of Narnia" will receive a handful of minor nominations, including score and song. "Syriana" is a lock for score and editing nominees. Look for two movie musicals to be shot out completely: "Rent" and "The Producers." The latter, however, may pick up a nod for best original song. Lastly, don't be surprised if "Crash" makes an unlikely big splash. The acclaimed film could be this year's sleeper. It'd be nice if the Academy honored some comedies and comedic performances, but don't expect it. "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" deserves a nod for screenplay, while Toni Collette deserves a shot for "In Her Shoes." Don't bet on it, though. Bet on "Brokeback" and other heavy dramas.

popscars didnt work... last year's nominees

popscars

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences have the Oscars. The Hollywood Foreign Press have The Golden Globes. Dick Clark has the American Music Awards. Alicia Keys has the Grammy's. Now, the cheap pop in cooperation with The Academy of Motion Picture Farts and Mustaches is pleased to announce its first annual popScars nominees . The awards honor the biggest and brightest stars in Hollywood, and when applicable, their mustaches. This year's winners will be announced on Sunday, March 5. Who will win the golden popsicle stick? Stay tuned!


popscars FILM
The Golden Popsicle (Best Film)
Crash
The 40-Year-Old Virgin
The Squid and the Whale
King Kong
Walk the Line
SinCity

The Cocky Poopie (Worst Flick of the Year, or of Any Year)
Elektra
Broken Flowers
Rumor Has It...
The Ringer
Fantastic Four
Fun with Dick & Jane

pop Rocker (Best Actor - lead or featured performance)
Heath Ledger (BrokebackMountain)
Philip Seymour Hoffman (Capote)
Matt Dillon (Crash)
David Straithairn (Good Night, and Good Luck)
Jeff Daniels (The Squid & the Whale)
Joaquin Phoenix (Walk the Line)

pop Tart (Best Actress - - lead or featured performance)
Charlize Theron (North Country)
Reese Witherspoon (Walk the Line)
Joan Allen (The Upside of Anger)
Toni Collette (In Her Shoes)
Thandie Newton (Crash)
Gwyneth Paltrow (Proof)

Best Bert (Best Supporting Mustache in a Motion Picture)
Jake Gyllenhaal (BrokebackMountain)
Billy Bob Thornton (Bad News Bears)
Gary Oldman (Batman Begins)
Randy Quaid (BrokebackMountain)
Jamie Foxx (Jarhead)
Ted Levine (Memoirs of a Geisha)

The 'Nice boots' Award (Hottest star of 2005)
Zhang Ziyi (Memoirs of a Geisha)
Jessica Alba (SinCity)
Chewbacca (Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith)
Eva Longoria (Desperate Housewives)
Jessica Simpson (The Dukes of Hazzard)
Evangeline Lilly (Lost)

"Hire a Better Editor" Award
Munich
Elizabethtown
BrokebackMountain
King Kong
The Producers
Syriana

The Career Suicide Award
Jim Carrey (Fun with Dick & Jane)
Jennifer Aniston (Rumor Has It...)
Piglet (Pooh's Heffalump Movie)
A pair of jeans (Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants)
Samuel L. Jackson (The Man)
Robin Williams (House of D)

Best Movie from a Previous Year Award (Honoring past films that got no credit)
Shaun of the Dead (2004)
The Professional (1994)
Beautiful Girls (1996)
Some Kind of Wonderful (1987)
Say Anything... (1989)
The Station Agent (2003)

popscars TV/Music

Best Wrestler of this or any year
Kurt Angle
AJ Styles
Hulk Hogan
Chris Jericho
Christian Cage
Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat

Best Music Group
System of a Down
The Strokes
Death Cab for Cutie
Weezer
Foo Fighters
The White Stripes

Best TV Show
Desperate Housewives
24
The Office
Lost
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Grey's Anatomy

Best TV Actor
Carlos Bernard (24)
Larry David (Curb Your Enthusiasm)
Terry O'Quinn (Lost)
Steve Carell (The Office)
Robert Knepper (Prison Break)
Kiefer Sutherland (24)

Best TV Actress
Eva Longoria (Desperate Housewives)
Marcia Cross (Desperate Housewives)
Cheryl Hines (Curb Your Enthusiasm)
Felicity Huffman (Desperate Housewives)
Sandra Oh (Grey's Anatomy)
Mary Lynn Rajskub (24)

The Golden Ball Hogg (Most Irritating and Overexposed Star of 2005)
Brangelina
Lindsay Lohan
Paris Hilton
Ashley Simpson
David Spade * (denotes a given every year)
Jamie Foxx

The Burt Reynolds Iconic Mustache Lifetime Achievement Award
Dennis Franz

last year's forgotscars

The Forgotcars:
Showing love to Oscar's forgotten
By Jon Chattman
Each year, it happens. Your favorite film, actor, actress, or director is snubbed by the Academy. This year, most worthy films and talent were honored, but alas, there were the few, the proud, who got the cold shoulder on Oscar nomination morning. With that, we honor the Oscar forgotten with our fourth annual "the Forgotscars." Be sure to send your picks to win via email (thecheappop@aol.com) by Feb. 27. Winners will not be awarded a gold statue or be able to attend a swanky party. They will, however, get some kind of recognition: something the Oscar voters failed to do.

Best Picture
Walk the Line
Match Point
King Kong
Proof
SinCity
Best Actor
Jeff Daniels (The Squid and the Whale)
Ralph Fiennes (The Constant Gardener)
Eric Bana (Munich)
Mickey Rourke (SinCity)
Russell Crowe (Cinderella Man)
Best Actress
Gwyneth Paltrow (Proof)
Toni Collette (In Her Shoes)
Naomi Watts (King Kong)
Joan Allen (The Upside of Anger)
Laura Linney (The Squid and the Whale)
Best Supporting Actor
Terrence Howard (Crash)
Anthony Hopkins (Proof)
Don Cheadle (Crash)
Bob Hoskins (Mrs. Henderson Presents)
Clifton Collins, Jr. (Capote)
Best Supporting Actress
Rosario Dawson (Rent)
Thandie Newton (Crash)
Shirley MacLaine (In Her Shoes)
Scarlett Johansson (Match Point)
Maria Bello (A History of Violence)
Best Director
Woody Allen (Match Point)
Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller (SinCity)
Christopher Nolan (Batman Begins)
Peter Jackson (King Kong)
James Mangold (Walk the Line)

Chuck Norris' Oscar picks last year

Chuck Norris’ Oscar Picks

I don't take the Oscars as seriously as the next guy. I don't buy into all the glitz and glamour. Now, I've never been nominated nor have I won a golden statue, but in the award show they call life, I'm nothing but a winner. I have a great family. I have a rare copy of "Delta Force 2: The Columbian Connection" on Laserdisc which I know one day, I will be able to play on some digital media player. I have the Lord by my side, and if prompted, I can kick your ass from here to next Tuesday even in a leap year. Yes, I'm a rare breed. I have it all and I've done it all. Now, don't get me wrong, it would be a fine honor to take home that nice-looking golden man they call Oscar. So with that, I'd like to predict this year's biggest races. I can tell you this right off the bat, ain't no movie about a bunch of kissing cowboys gonna tickle my fancy.
BEST PICTURE

Everybody says "BrokebackMountain" is going to win. Hollywood insiders say it broke the mold, and will inspire a bunch more movies to come out on similar subject matter. Chuck Norris says that better not happen. Listen up Hollywood, if you know what's good for you, you'll award the Best Picture Oscar to another movie, and I'll tell you this, it better not be to that other homoerotic movie "Capote." Everyone makes such a big deal about "Brokeback." Life was so hard for those gay cowboys. Yeah, right. Try ducking for Charlie in Vietnam. That was tough. Try holding a human heart in your hands. That's hard. Some rodeo cowboys frolicking in the snow? That's not hard at all, and it's far from a Best Picture. Try learning Tang Soo Do, Gyllenhaal. That takes skill, cowards! That's why Chuck Norris is voting for "Munich" as Best Picture. "Crash" and "Good Night, and Good Luck" are also nominated, but I won't vote for either. "Crash" was good in that black people call each other names, and "Good Night, and Good Luck" was in black and white, and everyone knows Chuck Norris doesn't watch black and white movies. but with "Munich," people blew shit up a whole hell of a lot, and terrorists were taken downtown to Chinatown... just like I did in my best films. I think I, Chuck Norris, launched the action genre. No need to thank me in your speech, Spielberg.

BEST ACTOR
Chuck Norris hates this category. Heath Ledger? Maybe for Best SissyMan. Philip Seymour Hoffman? Maybe for Best Man Parading Around Like a Woman. The rest of the actors make me want to punch 1970s entertainer Charo in the chest, but I'm choosing Joaquin Phoenix for "Walk the Line." Johnny Cash was a cool cat, and Chuck Norris really digs his music. I really identify with some of his songs. I understood where Johnny Cash was coming from. He's a hero just like me. People grow up wanting to be him, maybe not much as me, but they do, and Phoenix captured that to a tee. Anyway, the two other actors can piss in my boots: David Straithairn and Terrence Howard. That "Hustle & Flow" thinks he's a tough guy or something? Slapping women and cursing with his hip hop music. Let's see that guy come to man to man and see what happens. I was an undefeated Professional World Middleweight Karate Champion. My beard alone could kick his ass.

BEST ACTRESS
Judi Dench is a British old women who looks like a farm animal. While it's inappropriate to hit a woman, I would not resist should she cross my path. I would kick her in the stomach repeatedly and make her know how I felt while watching "Mrs. Henderson Presents." It is a terrible film that makes my biceps cry. Reese Witherspoon is a firecracker in "Walk the Line," and she deserves to win. I'd like to bed her. You know? If I weren't married I would take her into my bedroom like old caveman times. But I can't do that, so I'll vote for her here instead. The other nominees can take a dump in the ocean for all I care. I'm not going to even name them. Alright, Charlize Theron, I'll name because she used to be good looking but turned into a lesbian tomboy in the stupid movie she's nominated for. Try fighting for your country, Charlize. Do something constructive, wench.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
In a perfect world, Lee Marvin is in this category dead or alive. But, he's not and for that I weep like a little school girl in gym class. George Clooney grew a beard and added a lot of weight to play some government person in "Syriana." Give that man an Oscar. If I gained weight, Christie Brinkley would give me a beating. One has to abstain from sweets and high-caloric food. I always stay away from fatty foods and fried appetizers. I stay on a strict regimine, so you won't be seeing Chuck Norris do that for a movie role no way, no how. I'd rather die in a freak bedwetting accident then add pounds to my perfect figure. I'm not even telling you the list of the other nominees because I'm feeling sick and have to go work out.

BEST DIRECTOR
I'm not Nostradumus or whatever his name is, but this one's easy. They're going to give the award to Ang Lee for his gay cowboy picture. Why? Because Hollywood is filled with gay liberals. The director in me, (I also executive produced "Walker: Texas Ranger" by the way), would give it to Spielberg for making that kickass action movie "Munich." It's nice for a movie not to have a message with it. It's cool to see a movie that's just saying "look we're gonna blow stuff up and kill terrorists" and that's it. No hidden agenda. No nothing... a straight shoot'em up.

Nick Kroll pop interview - Oct. 2006

Let them eat challah:
Nick Kroll discusses Bar Mitzvah Disco
By Dan Israeli,October 2006 for thecheappop.com

It's a time-honored tradition in the Jewish religion. Every time a young boy or girl reaches their teenage years, they are automatically deemed ready for adulthood. And what better way is there to acknowledge this significant moment in time then to throw a big, lavish party?
Over the years, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah has become as much of a cultural right of passage as it is a religious one. It is a time for budding Jewish youths to be embraced by their families and friends, on a day marked by individual accomplishment, joyous entertainment and an influx of bundles and bundles of cash. But nothing epitomizes the ceremony more than the grand soirees held in the evening, usually large catered affairs, with live music and the ever-important Bar Mitzvah theme (examples include Hollywood, the animal kingdom or the very popular tropical paradise).
Obviously, such a widespread phenomenon needed to be documented - and definitely with photos. Nick Kroll is an actor/comedian/writer (you may have caught him on VH1's Best Week Ever) , and one of the three co-authors of Bar Mitzvah Disco, an illustrated account spanning over 25 years of Bar/Bat Mitzvahs across the country (and even one across the globe). Released in 2005, the Random House publication has grown into a critical and commercial hit, putting the Bar Mitzvah celebration back into the spotlight where it belongs.

What were your like childhood years like? How about the details of your own personal Bar Mitzvah experience ?
I was born over in Tarrytown , but grew up in the "tough streets" of Rye [ New York ]. It was very difficult - we didn't even have our own tennis court. After attending Solomon Schechter (a Jewish private school) in White Plains , I went to high school at Rye Country Day, which was a very diverse school. I think there were three black kids total. After that, I attended Georgetown University for college. As for my Bar Mitzvah, the whole occasion was held at the Jewish Community Center of Harrison. I had a world theme, with flags and globes. I was an internationalist at the time, and have since become an isolationist because of my Bar Mitzvah experience. In my double-breasted suit, I remember feeling like a mini corporate lawyer who just failed to make partner. All in all, it was a somewhat lavish, but tasteful event.

When did you decide you wanted to get into comedy/acting? Were you always an outspoken kid growing up, or is it something you picked up later in life?

From early on, I always knew that I liked performing. I even played the role of Pharoah in my second grade play of Exodus. Growing up, I would act out "Wayne's World" sketches with my good friend. I took acting classes in high school, and at college I discovered Improv. After that I taught comedy to kids for an after school program. It went well, but I eventually decided to further pursue my [acting/comedy] career. It was still a great job, and something I took a lot out of. Once you start teaching, you kind of realize what you know and what you don't know. And I still talk to some of the kids, some of who are very funny.

What was your experience like coming up in the NYC comedy scene? Was it a struggle to make a name for yourself?
At first, I started taking classes at the UCB [Upright Citizens Brigade] Theater (a popular Improv spot in Chelsea ). I also made some short films and did some commercials, but it really all started with UCB. I preferred doing the offbeat stuff involved with Improv over "stand-up" based material. My current show is called "Oh, Hello" which I perform with my friend John Mulaney. In it, we play two middle-aged widowers from the Upper West Side who are obsessed with Alan Alda. I have also written for "Chappelle's Show" and have done stuff for Comedy Central's"Motherload" (a series of web shows). In this line of work, you really need to jump wholeheartedly into it. You really need to make it your life.

How did the idea for Bar Mitzvah Disco come about? What was the creative process involved in compiling the material, and getting some special guests to contribute?
We were all hanging out (Nick and his partners Roger Bennett and Jules Shell) looking through our Bar Mitzvah photos. We all grew up in different places, with different parallels to our respective celebrations. We decided to put up a website as a lark, and got friends and family to send in their photos as well. From that point it just blew up, and became a lot bigger than we envisioned. We realized Bar Mitzvahs were prisms to a view of American culture and family. These photos and accounts took a look at who we were and what we've become. It was then we decided to turn it into a book. As for the contributors, some of them we knew, and others (like comedian Sarah Silverman) we had to reach out to. About 99 percent of the people we contacted thought it would be hilarious. They got the concept, and loved it.

How has your life changed since BMD became a cult, and now mainstream hit? Do people approach you about how it has personally reached them?
Yes, and people from all over the place. It's really a small world. The response has been overwhelming positive, and not just from people who personally experienced having Bar Mitzvahs. It's interesting to see how many Jews ands non-Jews attended friends' Bar Mitzvahs throughout their lives. The response has basically been, "you guys have captured what it's like to be 13." What I have also found interesting are all the parents who have identified with the book. The truth is they experienced these moments, too. We all share these memories, and all with our own take. And it's because the book covers so many universal themes, from culture to religion to suburbanization.

Finally, what else do you have lined up? Are there any plans to expand BMD into another medium, and what other projects are you working on?
Right now we [Kroll, along with Bennett and Shell] are gathering more photos and videos for a documentary film, and are also signing the rights for a BMD musical. While I won't be involved, my partners Jules and Roger will be releasing a follow-up to BMD called the "Camp Camp Project," a book all about the childhood experience of summer camp. As for the BMD documentary, it's still up in the air as to how we are going about it. It really depends on the quality of the stuff we are gathering, as we continue to receive videos. But just like when we created the book, it's best for the story to tell itself. We don't want to go into specifics on how it should come about. Our belief is that BMD is a story of generations and that's why people identify with it. As for my New York shows, "Oh, Hello" will return to the UCB Theater on October 27. It can also be seen regularly at Rififi in downtown New York , every Thursday at 8 p.m.

For more on Nick Kroll check out http://www.NickKroll.com... For thecheappop archives scroll below...
To check out a cool guy who does Bar Mitzvahs, email Jon's dad - GaryChatty@aol.com

Jonscar Winners Announced...

You don't care but I do and here they are... the annual Jonscar winners this year...

little miss sunshine wins seven;

pans labrynith wins four;

children of men wins three

Best picture
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
Best actor
LEONARDO DICAPRIO (THE DEPARTED)
Best actress
JUDI DENCH (NOTES ON A SCANDAL)
Best supporting actor
PAUL DANO (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)
Best supporting actress
RINKO KIKUCHI (BABEL)
Best director
GUILLERMO DEL TORO (PAN’S LABRYNITH)
Performance of the year

RINKO KIKUCHI (BABEL)
Best original screenplay
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
Best adapted screenplay
CHILDREN OF MEN
Best score
BABEL
Best song
STAR MILE (THE LAST KISS)
Best villain
SERGI LOPEZ (PAN’S LABRYNITH)
Best cinematography
CHILDREN OF MEN
Best editing

CHILDREN OF MEN
Best art direction
PAN’S LABRYNITH
Best breakthrough
GUILLERMO DEL TORO (PAN’S LABRYNITH)
Best comeback
SYLVESTOR STALLONE (ROCKY BALBOA)
Best costumes
MARIE ANTOINETTE
Best performance in a bad or so so movie
SAMUEL L. JACKSON (FREEDOMLAND)
Best comedic performance
SASHA BARON COHEN (BORAT)
Best debut lead in a feature film
SHAREEKA EPPS (HALF NELSON)
Best comedy
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
Best scene stealer
ALAN ARKIN (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)
Best feel good movie
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
Best performance by an actor in multiple films
SASHA BARON COHEN (BORAT/TALLEDGA NIGHTS)
Best effects
SUPERMAN RETURNS
Best ensemble
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
Best performance by a young adult/child actor
ABIGAIL BRESLIN (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)
Best duo
WILL & JADEN SMITH (THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS)
Best movie moment/sequence
OLIVE’S DANCE (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)

Bertometer: Johnny Depp

Bald and Dangerous Vol. 2

bad PR = good PR

Bertometer: Judge Korda

the 11th annual Jonscars nominees...

Here are the nominees ... winners Sunday, February 25th!

Best picture
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
V FOR VENDETTA
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
CHILDREN OF MEN
PANS LABRYNITH
BABEL
THE DEPARTED
NOTES ON A SCANDAL
STRANGER THAN FICTION

Best actor
WILL SMITH (THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS)
RYAN GOSLING (HALF NELSON)
PETER O’TOOLE (VENUS)
LEONARDO DICAPRIO (THE DEPARTED)
GREG KINNEAR (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)
FOREST WHITAKER (THE LAST KING OF SCOTLAND)

Best actress
HELLEN MIRREN (THE QUEEN)
JUDI DENCH (NOTES ON A SCANDAL)
MERYL STREEP (THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA)
KATE WINSLET (LITTLE CHILDREN)
NATALIE PORTMAN (V FOR VENDETTA)

Best supporting actor
PAUL DANO (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)
ALAN ARKIN (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)
SERGI LOPEZ (PANS LABRYNITH)
EDDIE MURPHY (DREAMGIRLS)
DJIMON HOUNSOU (BLOOD DIAMOND)
KAZUNARI NINOMIYA (LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA)
MICHAEL SHEEN (THE QUEEN)
BILL NIGHY (NOTES ON A SCANDAL)

Best supporting actress
ADRIANA BARRAZA (BABEL)
CATE BLANCHETT (NOTES ON A SCANDAL)
JENNIFER HUDSON (DREAMGIRLS)
ABIGAIL BRESLIN (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)
SHAREEKA EPPS (HALF NELSON)
MARIBEL VERDU (PANS LABRYNITH)
ANJELINA JOLIE (THE GOOD SHEPHERD)
RINKO KIKUCHI (BABEL)

Best director
BRYAN SINGER (SUPERMAN RETURNS)
JONATHAN DAYTON AND VALERIE FARIS (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)
ALFONSO CUARON (CHILDREN OF MEN)
CLINT EASTWOOD (LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA)
GUILLERMO DEL TORO (PANS LABRYNITH)
MARTIN SCORSESE (THE DEPARTED)
JAMES MCTIEGUE (V FOR VENDETTA)

Best original screenplay
PANS LABRYNITH
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
BABEL
THE GOOD SHEPHERD
STRANGER THAN FICTION

Best adapted screenplay
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
CHILDREN OF MEN
LITTLE CHILDREN
THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA
NOTES ON A SCANDAL
THE DEPARTED
V FOR VENDETTA

Best score
NOTES ON A SCANDAL
BABEL
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
BLOOD DIAMOND
PANS LABRYNITH
THE FOUNTAIN
THE HOLIDAY
CHILDREN OF MEN
V FOR VENDETTA

Best song
PICK OF DESTINY – TENACIOUS D IN THE PICK OF DESTINY
LISTEN - DREAMGIRLS
STAR MILE – THE LAST KISS
BEEZELBOSS – TENACIOUS D IN THE PICK OF DESTINY
YOU KNOW MY NAME – CASINO ROYALE

Best villain
SERGI LOPEZ (PANS LABRYNITH)
MERYL STREEP (THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA)
JACK NICHOLSON (THE DEPARTED)
MATT DAMON (THE DEPARTED)
SASHA BARON COHEN (TALLADEGA NIGHTS)
KEVIN SPACEY (SUPERMAN RETURNS)

Best cinematography
LITTLE CHILDREN
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
THE DEPARTED
V FOR VENDETTA
BLOOD DIAMOND
CHILDREN OF MEN
PANS LABRYNITH
BABEL

Best art direction
MARIE ANTOINETTE
CHILDREN OF MEN
DREAMGIRLS
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
PANS LABRYNITH
V FOR VENDETTA

Best breakthrough
WILL FERRELL (STRANGER THAN FICTION)
BEYONCE KNOWLES (DREAMGIRLS)
JENNIFER HUDSON (DREAMGIRLS)
TAMMY BLANCHARD (THE GOOD SHEPHERD)
GUILLERMO DEL TORO (PANS LABRYNITH)
STEVE CARELL (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)
BRANDON ROUTH (SUPERMAN RETURNS)

Best costumes
DREAMGIRLS
PANS LABRYNITH
MARIE ANTOINETTE

Best performance in a bad or so so movie
SAMUEL L. JACKSON (FREEDOMLAND)
HUGH JACKMAN (THE FOUNTAIN)
ANNETTE BENING (RUNNING WITH SCISSORS)

Best comedic performance
ADAM SANDLER (CLICK)
SASHA BARON COHEN (BORAT)
OWEN WILSON (YOU, ME, AND DUPREE)
WILL FERRELL (TALLADEGA NIGHTS)
ALAN ARKIN (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)
MERYL STREEP (THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA)

Best debut lead in a feature film
CLAIRE-HOPE ASHITEY (CHILDREN OF MEN)
JADEN SMITH (THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS)
IVANA BAQUERO (PANS LABRYNITH)
SHAREEKA EPPS (HALF NELSON)
BRANDON ROUTH (SUPERMAN RETURNS)

Best comedy
TALLADEGA NIGHTS
BORAT
TENACIOUS D
FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE

Best feel good movie
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
STRANGER THAN FICTION
ROCKY BALBOA
HAPPY FEET
THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS
SUPERMAN RETURNS

Best performance by an actor in multiple films
WILL FERRELL (TALLADEGA NIGHTS/STRANGER THAN FICTION)
HUGH JACKMAN (THE PRESTIGE/THE FOUNTAIN/SCOOP/X3/HAPPY FEET)
MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL (SHERRYBABY/STRANGER THAN FICTION)
KATE WINSLET (THE HOLIDAY/LITTLE CHILDREN)
CLIVE OWEN (INSIDE MAN/CHILDREN OF MEN)
ALEC BALDWIN (RUNNING WITH SCISSORS/THE DEPARTED/THE GOOD SHEPHERD)
CATE BLANCHETT (BABEL/NOTES ON A SCANDAL)
SASHA BARON COHEN (BORAT/TALLEDGA NIGHTS)

Best effects
SUPERMAN RETURNS
PANS LABRYNITH
CASINO ROYALE
POSEIDON

Best ensemble
PANS LABRYNITH
LITTLE CHILDREN
THE DEPARTED
THE GOOD SHEPHERD
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
STRANGER THAN FICTION
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
FRIENDS WITH MONEY

Best performance by a young adult/child actor
JADEN SMITH (THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS)
IVANA BAQUERO (PANS LABRYNITH)
SHAREEKA EPPS (HALF NELSON)
ABIGAIL BRESLIN (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)

Best movie moment/sequence
OLIVE’S DANCE (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)
ROCKY END FIGHT (ROCKY BALBOA)
ROCKY TRAINING SEQUENCE (ROCKY BALBOA)
“I AM TELLING YOU” (DREAMGIRLS)
WILL SMITH GETS THE JOB (THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS)
FINALE (PANS LABRYNITH)
PORTMAN’S TORTURE REVEALED (V FOR VENDETTA)

Performance of the year
WILL SMITH (THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS)
HELLEN MIRREN (THE QUEEN)
RINKO KIKUCHI (BABEL)
MERYL STREEP (THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA)
PAUL DANO (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)
ALAN ARKIN (LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)
JUDI DENCH (NOTES ON A SCANDAL)
PETER O’TOOLE (VENUS)

Bertometer: Hulk Hogan

Ho Ho Ho!

This was pulled from the original site because Santa complained that he looked way to fat in the photo...

Bertometer: Man At Arms

Bertometer:Bernie

Remember where you came from..

Wear shades inside... inflate that ego... win an Oscar... perform on the Grammys... but we'll always remember you this way, Jamie Foxx.

Stache of the Day

You have the right to remain fabulous.

You knock him down how 'bout tryin' knockin' me down

"Stay in school and use your brain. Be a doctor, be a lawyer, carry a leather briefcase. Forget about sports as a profession. Sports make ya grunt and smell. See, be a thinker, not a stinker."

- Apollo Creed

Captain Obvious presents..Dido

Captain Obvious presents
10 words that come to my mind when I think of singer Dido:
1) Delicate
2) Granola
3) Florida
4) Music
5) Sandwiches
6) Seagulls
7) Sunset
8) Bagels
9) Piano
10) Quiche

Captain Obvious presents 11 things I'd like to see in "Memoirs of a Geisha"

Captain Obvious presents 11 things I'd like to see in "Memoirs of a Geisha"
12/10/05
1) McGruff the crimefighting dog solving key plot twists
2) Ken Watanabe's secret fascination with Richard Simmons' "Sweating to the Oldies" tapes
3) Vic Tayback of "Alice" brought back to life via CGI
4) Tyne Daly reading an excerpt of "The Bridges of Madison County"
5) A Michael Bay car explosion
6) Dontrelle Willis of the Florida Marlins questioning Ziyi Zhang about the team's recent firesale
7) Scrooge McDuck spreading Christmas cheer
8) Chow Yun Fat selling yogurt
9) Former professional wrestler George "The Animal" Steele smelling cherry blossoms
10) Sigourney Weaver killing aliens
11) Dick Butkis in a Kimono

thecheappop.com on metsblog.com

ch-check it out...

Hey First Lady..

nice stickers!!

Stache of the Day!

We salute you Mr. Spacely!

Send it...

another one of our original logos...

A CLASSIC!

Thanks Jimmy...

"Scandal" action figures...

The buzz of the winter has been the suspense drama “Notes on a Scandal”, and movie distributors were quick to feed the fan frenzy by unveiling actions figures based on the characters on the movies. Chatrooms, blogs and hundreds of fan pages on the popular site “MySpace” have been popping up as fans voice their love and opinions on the flick.

Check out the story on thecheappop.com

Captain Obvious presents

Captain Obvious presents
19 things I would do if I had a vagina...
Originally published on: 12/15/05
1) I'd like get pregnant and shit
2) I'd wear a bra
3) I'd look good dancing
4) I'd shop until I'd drop
5) I'd hate men
6) I'd really identify with Ellen DeGeneris
7) I'd wear high heels
8) I'd take baths
9) I'd like do stuff
10) I'd wear dresses and people wouldn't look at me funny
11) I'd see "Brokeback Mountain" and like it
12) I'd have a period once a month
13) I'd really dig Sarah MacLachlan
14) I'd chew bubblegum loadly
15) I'd play shuffleboard
16) I'd have a crush on Willie Nelson
17) I'd watch "Charmed" and "the OC" and like it
18) I'd have sex with men often
19) I'd read books

Stache of the Day

All Star stache from a bball throwback...

Stronger than Yesterday

Oops, I did it again... I'm a dog-faced gremlin

"Do not go in there!"

We liked you better when you were talking out of your ass... you know... literally.

Dog Pound

Is it better to be a has been or a never was? Arsenio... please weigh in here...

Nice Mustache...

Happy President's Day from your friends at thecheappop!

Captain Obvious' I'm Too Sexy...

Caption Obvious presents..
"I'm Too Sexy" For This Article, for thecheappop.com 2005

So, People Magazine wants to name Matthew McCoughnay the "sexiest man" alive? Please! I mean that guy pumps out more bad movies than Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton combined! Sure, he's got the looks and the pecs but doesn't artistic expression play into this at all? I mean maybe if People wanted to have a contest for most sexiest naked bongo player, McCoughnay (that's spelled wrong on purpose people) would be a shoo-in. I'm heterosexual, but I can name at least five dudes who I'd rather shag... you know, if I were gay. Here's the very first Captain Obvious Most Sexiest List... It's a top 8 list... why only 8... because it's time for pasta:
1) Wilfred Brimley: This lovable crusty man is not only a fine actor, but once sold me some oatmeal. He scores even more points because he uttered the word "fart" in "Cocoon."
2) Nelson Mandela: Hey, why not? All this guy's ever asked for is freedom... This is America, People Magazine!
3) Neil Diamond: Turn on your heartlight? More like turn on your heartthrob! This singer/songwriter makes not only girls moan but heterosexual and homosexual guys too! Something tells me if he brought back those porkchop sideburns, he would've edged out that "Sahara" actor - easy.
4) Al Roker: I ask for the news, and this sexy-now-somewhat-slender African American gives me the weather.
5) KD Lang: If only she had a penis.
6) Victor Zambrano: This New York Mets pitcher didn't have much value, but he's got kind of a unibrow and if Salma Hayek has thought us anything, it's unibrows are cool.
7) Adam Curry: This radio host and former MTV God hasn't been seen on television for years, but something tells me that big blond mullet is alive and well and just waiting to be pictured on the People pages.
8) Chris Elliot: "Get a Life?" More like get thee to a photo shoot. This sexy, underrated comedian, who made appearances on "Everybody Loves Raymond" and "There's Something About Mary," must look like an Adonis without his shirt.
Caption Obvious presents..
"I'm Too Sexy" For This Article

So, People Magazine wants to name Matthew McCoughnay the "sexiest man" alive? Please! I mean that guy pumps out more bad movies than Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton combined! Sure, he's got the looks and the pecs but doesn't artistic expression play into this at all? I mean maybe if People wanted to have a contest for most sexiest naked bongo player, McCoughnay (that's spelled wrong on purpose people) would be a shoo-in. I'm heterosexual, but I can name at least five dudes who I'd rather shag... you know, if I were gay. Here's the very first Captain Obvious Most Sexiest List... It's a top 8 list... why only 8... because it's time for pasta:
1) Wilfred Brimley: This lovable crusty man is not only a fine actor, but once sold me some oatmeal. He scores even more points because he uttered the word "fart" in "Cocoon."
2) Nelson Mandela: Hey, why not? All this guy's ever asked for is freedom... This is America, People Magazine!
3) Neil Diamond: Turn on your heartlight? More like turn on your heartthrob! This singer/songwriter makes not only girls moan but heterosexual and homosexual guys too! Something tells me if he brought back those porkchop sideburns, he would've edged out that "Sahara" actor - easy.
4) Al Roker: I ask for the news, and this sexy-now-somewhat-slender African American gives me the weather.
5) KD Lang: If only she had a penis.
6) Victor Zambrano: This New York Mets pitcher didn't have much value, but he's got kind of a unibrow and if Salma Hayek has thought us anything, it's unibrows are cool.
7) Adam Curry: This radio host and former MTV God hasn't been seen on television for years, but something tells me that big blond mullet is alive and well and just waiting to be pictured on the People pages.
8) Chris Elliot: "Get a Life?" More like get thee to a photo shoot. This sexy, underrated comedian, who made appearances on "Everybody Loves Raymond" and "There's Something About Mary," must look like an Adonis without his shirt.

Polar Express derails

Retro review of The Polar Express... for thecheappop.com


Derailed:
Thanks Mr. Conductor, get me the F off
November 29, 2005
By Maury Rosenbaum

They can keep putting "The Polar Express" back in the theaters, re-release it on IMAX screens, put it on DVD shelves- heck throw it up on one of those frickin' old school View Finders, and one thing is simply not going to change: the movie sucks ass. For the children who skipped it last year, and the parents who have yet to drag their Christian offspring to it, here's the deal: Robert Zemekis and Tom Hanks reteamed last holiday season to bring a creepy computer animated film about Christmas where all of the characters look disturbingly awkward. They're not human, they're not cartoons... WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY? Nobody knows... Well, if anyone does, it's Tom Hanks who plays about half a dozen characters in the film. The film's story centers on Santa Claus and whether or not the red and white fucker is real or not... why? Because one boy stops believing... guess the kid didn't get the memo his parents sent that Saint Nick is about as real as Courtney Love's heroin addiction (oh wait, that's a shitty pun)... Anyways, on Christmas Eve, the doubting alien boy wakes up and much to his surprise isn't woken by a sleigh or reindeer bells, but a fucking steam engine. Yeah, okay whatever, Tom Hanks. You're full of shit! So, anyway this conductor invites him on board to take a journey to the North Pole with many apparently homeless children. Eventually, SPOILER ALERT, the kid finds out there is a Santa. Fuck that shit! So, as you can see, this movie offers nothing new to the holiday genre. Throw it up on screens in 3D, make it somehow play on the microwave oven... shit, make it blow me for $5, and "The Polar Express" will keep on sucking. But, I digress, it'll keep coming back like herpes! And Mr. Hanks, throw Peter Scolari a bone would ya!?!

Bertometer: Jules

Bertometer: Betty White

Mr. Teabag: Top 9 Bitches with Attitude

Bertometer: Dr. Phil

Bertometer: Rudy Ray Moore

Retro Captain Obvious

The Cheap Pop's World of Captain Obvious
Captain Obvious presents - 2/16/06

Things I know in 2006
10. Meg White still won't be able to sing
9. The West Wing will head South
8. Gorillaz will remain animated
7. I will urinate on the toilet seat
6. The Yankees will buy another Pennant
5. Beastie Boys will play "Root Down" at some point
4. I will have a really witty answer for number two
3. Jimmy Eat World will actually digest earth
2. Dick Butkis won't be on the Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover
1. My cell phone plan will expire

Sara of Tegan & Sara

Here's our interview last year...

Sara smiles
1/2 of Tegan and Sara chats with thecheappop
By Jon Chattman, for thecheappop.com

They say two is better than one. We're fine settling. We recently chatted with Sara Quin of Tegan and Sara, the singer/songwriter identical twin tandem, and asked her about sharing the road, and a group with a twin. Oh, and because they're from Canada, Rick Moranis naturally came up.

thecheappop) Originally you were known as Sara and Tegan. Why the name switch? Sibling rivalry?
sara) No, there is no sibling rivalry. We changed our name because we thought that the name "Tegan" would stand out more than "Sara" when of course in reality, "Sara" has a much stronger personality in real life....

thecheappop) Speaking of which, do you feel each other's pain?

sara) No, and we don't have any other magical powers.

thecheappop) But do you ever finish each other's sentences/lyrics/hooks?

sara) There is something amazing about being able to double your vocals on stage, and have them sound similar. Obviously, we compliment one another harmonically.
We occasionally talk over one another, and "finish" each others sentences...but its annoying, so we try not to.

thecheappop) Moving on, how'd the White Stripes' cover of your song come about? That must've been awesome for you guys.

sara) They were covering it live, and then we got word that they were going to record it, which we were thrilled about. Meg brought us a copy of the song while we were in Detroit doing a show, and told us that they were going to release it on a single. We love the band and think its an honor to hear them sing a song that we wrote!

thecheappop) Keeping with that (other acts digging your music), Matt Sharp played with you guys. What do you think about the rumors of a Rentals reunion?

sara) I recently met the new "Rentals" and Matt seems thrilled. I love him like a brother and I am so glad that he is doing this project. He is so talented and I am looking forward to hearing new songs!

thecheappop) Same here. What music do you guys listen to on the road?

sara) We listen to all sorts of things....lately...John Vanderslice, Lady Sovereign, Madonna, Six Organs of Admittance, Tom Vek, Laura Veirs

thecheappop) Fresh. You're both from Vancouver. What's the best thing to come out of Canada? Rick Moranis?

sara) Well, I like Rick, but in our business, I guess I would say artists like Leonard Cohen, Neil Young and Joni Mitchell are legends to me. I think the new crop of music is also very strong and in terms of other arts, Canadians seem to be experiencing a great increase in visibility around the world.

thecheappop) Shameless plug time. Last question, what's the good word on your fifth album and upcoming DVD?

sara) The DVD will hopefully come out in the summer. We are waiting for aliens to release to us the masters so we can manufacture... The new record, hopefully we will begin work on it in the summer and it will come out in the winter or spring of '07!

Bald and Dangerous

Today we salute a man whose ego is writing checks that his body can't cash... this Bud's for you, James Tolkan.

Hey Remember Me?!?

Buying a car these days just isn't the same....

...and now the top five worst of 2006

Lots of stinkers, but...

Worst of 2006

1.RUNNING WITH SCISSORS – WORST OF THE YEAR
2.GAME SIX

3.WINTER PASSING

4.TRUST THE MAN
5.KEEPING UP WITH THE STEINS
Honorable Mention

FAILURE TO LAUNCH

Jon Chattman's Best of Film 2006

Much delayed... but finally complete... here's MY top ten best of 2006

Best of 2006
1.LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE – BEST OF THE YEAR
2.PAN’S LABYRINTH
3.CHILDREN OF MEN
4.THE DEPARTED

5.V FOR VENDETTA

6.NOTES ON A SCANDAL
7.THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS
8.STRANGER THAN FICTION
9.BABEL

10.THE QUEEN

Honorable Mention

SUPERMAN RETURNS

DEVIL WEARS PRADA

LITTLE CHILDREN

ROCKY BALBOA

Bertometer: Soda Popinski

Bertometer: Clarence Thomas

Mr. Teabag's Top 9 Yankees With More Rings Than Mattingly

Bertometer: Bert

Asshole of the Day

Tim Hardaway... what a cock block.

Pain in the Boras

Go away fool

Nice Cooter

We've got the "Dukes'" Coot

By Jon Chattman, for thecheappop.com

Some actors who hit it big on a hit television show often try to distance themselves from it long after the series ends or oft-times, while it's in the middle of its run. "ER's" George Clooney comes to mind, and it's safe to say "Brokeback Mountain's" Michelle William's a long way away from her "Dawson's Creek" days. Ben Jones, however, hasn't detached himself from his role of the lovable mechanic Cooter on the original "The Dukes of Hazzard." He and his wife Alma Viator, own Cooter's Place, a "Dukes" museum and shop in Gatlinburg and Nashville, Tennessee. They also produce a yearly gathering of the show's fans and stars at "DukesFest," at the Bristol Motor Speedway. (Check out more info on CootersPlace.com). But, Jones' talent extends beyond museums and car parts.
These days, Jones balances his Dukes days with other acting gigs (he's appeared in such films as "Primary Colors" and "Meet Joe Black") and fulfills his political thirst by appearing on shows like "Crossfire" and "Hardball." Jones actually served as a congressman from Georgia for two terms after the series went off the air.

JC: Many stars often don't want to bring up their old TV days, but you embrace it... can you explain?
BJ: The show is still a hit show. Millions of young people are coming to it weekly and they think it's a new show. So whether or not I would say "oh, I don't want anything to do with it" would be foolish. I'm in show business and the show still has "legs" as we say. It's always going to be around. It's been shown in over 50 countries and kids now watch it not just once a week like they did in the early '80s, but all day long on CMT, DVDs, video games and VHS. The show is always going to be around. I enjoyed the work. I enjoy the impact that the show has had and the positive influence that it's had, and I think that's a fine thing, I don't want to separate myself from it. It never prevented me from doing anything else. I've done a lot of other things. This one's going to be around after we kick the bucket.

JC: "Dukes" made a lot of press last summer when the film version came out. Did you see it?
BJ: No, I haven't. I read the script. I was on CNN, FOX TV, Today Show, and a half a dozen others and did hundreds of radio interviews all over the country saying this doesn't reflect the family values of our show or the spirit of our show. It's certainly not anything you should take a child to see. It was a miserable movie. It got the worse reviews in the history of cinema and a lot of the critics pointed out that I had said that's what's coming. You know, I'm not a prude. I love "The Sopranos." I've seen all kinds of entertainment. I've been involved in all kinds of entertainments. There's a place for that sort of thing, I suppose, but it isn't in a franchise like ours. You don't trash it like they did. That just, to me, points out the gap between the values of Hollywood and the values of the heartland of America. And that film stunk to high heaven and hopefully it's been buried out in the Mahabi Desert somewhere. Our show continues to be a hit, and they should've listened to old Cooter!

JC: One good thing came out of it at least. The movie was so bad that it didn't ruin the memory of the old show. It was so different and so bad that you forgot about it instantly.
BJ: Out of that, three things happened that were positive. One, they spent $38 million just promoting it. The film cost over $50 million and they spent another almost $20 million just because they didn't own the rights. They didn't even know they didn't have the rights, so that tells you how clumsy those folks were. And then they spent $30 million marketing it to kids! So, it helped us with name ID. They created some controversy and controversy always peaks people's interest, but it also did a couple of other things. It made us look great by comparison. People then realized that it's not easy to do what we did. We did it extremely well. Hopefully it brought some people to the quality of our show.

JC: Did you speak to Tom Wopat or John Schneider about the film?
BJ: Yes, we were altogether in Nashville at the CMT Awards and sort of collectively made the point that we weren't involved in the film and it's not our responsibility for it. They didn't want us involved in that film and after reading the scripts, I certainly didn't want to be involved with that film. As far as I know, everyone pretty much agreed with that. They may have had different opinions on the quality of the thing itself, but not on that issue. Everyone said, "No, this is not something to take your kids to." It sort of missed the point. If I'd been doing that movie, I would've gotten Danny DeVito to play Boss Hog and Robert Duvall to play Uncle Jesse. And then I would've gone to Nashville and have gotten Tim McGraw to play Bo and Dale Earnhert to play Luke. You've got lots of choices in Nashville to pick Daisy Duke. And you could've just made a great movie, where the Dukes save the Grand Ole Opry or save the world: just make the stakes real high: save America from terrorists or something. But, they missed it. Part of the problem is the arrogance of power. They get in those positions and think they're geniuses, when in fact, they couldn't pour beer out of a boot with the instructions on the heel.

JC: Are there any similarities between politics and Hollywood?
BJ: Ronald Reagan showed that. He was great. He brought all those skills he learned in show business and entertainment into his political career. People who are in those jobs, lawyers, car salesman, preachers...they all want those skills of influencing people; being able to engage people charismatically. So in that sense, it was helpful for me to have had that experience. It didn't hurt me that people knew who I was and were familiar with my face. Once you get past that though, you still got to make sense and win an election. And in my case, that was tough, but we pulled it off.

JC: Do you have any desire to jump back into politics?
BJ: No. I think it's our responsibility, for all of us, as American citizens, we have a whole lot of rights. And with all of those rights come responsibilities. Our first responsibility is citizenship and citizenship involves saying what you think and making sure that the political system, be it local, state or international, is responsive to the taxpayers. So, we're all involved in it. If we go to the barbershop and say what we think of Bush or Clinton, we're involved in politics. It's a wonderful right that we have. It's a precious thing. I've seen a very small group of people able to make enormous changes. We just had Martin Luther King Day. That was just one guy, who through his force of personality and his power of persuasion and moral convictions, made an enormous difference for a whole lot of people. That's our job. No matter what your politics are, get them out there.

JC: Do you think Cheney handled himself correctly with the whole shooting thing?
BJ: No, he should've been on television the next day telling the whole story. When he finally went on television, he handled himself extremely well. He was down to earth and genuinely contrite about what had happened and genuinely sorry, but he should've done that immediately. You don't wait four days to let that story fester and all those questions fester, because that [gives off] the appearance of not caring. We're paying his salary, so he better be transparent about these things. If you don't, then you pay a political price and he has on this one.

JC: What do you think about Bush's administration thus far?
BJ: Boss Hog would've done a better job, and that's all I have to say about that. His administration ought to be tried up there with Warren G. Harding and James Buchanan and Franklin Pearce. Those are generally considered at the bottom. He's got a while to go, but we'll see.

JC: Getting back to "Dukes," how'd the concept of Cooter's Place come about?
BJ: It's always ridden around in the back of my head. We moved up to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia some time ago, and every time I'd move, I'd have this Dukes of Hazard stuff: old costumes, scripts, props, pictures from the show, and all the memorabilia I'd ended up with action figures, lunch boxes, window curtains, and that stuff. I just had this idea to start, for fun, a little roadside stand where we'd put the General Lee out there and call it Cooter's Place. My wife thought I was nuts and I admit to being nuts, but just thought that'd be fun. She thought that at least 'it'll clean out the barn and get him out of the house or something.' Anyway, 5,000 people showed up the first weekend. It just went from there. My hunch was that the 'Dukes of Hazzard' continues to resonate in the hearts of people of America. They love it. They grew up with it. It was as important to a couple of generations as, say Roy Rogers and Gene Autry were to me. Those things last forever. And I was right.

JC: It's arguably more popular now. Have you kept in touch with the cast since? Are you guys basically an extended family at this point?
BJ: Oh yeah. When you work that closely with people for seven years, you go through a lot with them. And we went from going to obscurity to stardom. We were a very unlikely group in our taste and ways and personalities, but very much bonded together by that common experience. So we've watched each other: our marriages, our children, our careers, hard times and good times. We've also watched the passing of our friends.

JC: Last question, where do cousins Coy and Vance fit into "Dukes" history?
BJ: Well, those guys did the best they could in a very difficult situation and you've got to hand it to them. They had tough shoes to fill there. It was almost an impossible task. They weren't quite right. We, as a cast, tried to make them feel at home as possible. Frankly, we kept really waiting for the day Tom and John would join us. All of us were pulling for that.

Bertometer: Cyclone Negro

Bertometer: Dick Dastardly

Baseball!

Spring Training Begins!

The Letter Writer by Mike Farah

Dear Dunkin Donuts,

Hi. How are you? Make any good donuts today? Yes, I know, all of your donuts are made of the highest quality ingredients and taste delicious. Now, normally I'd agree with you. You see, I'm somewhat of a Dunkin Donuts fanatic. I have every styrofoam cup design you've ever made, and keep all of the commercials with that mustached fellow on DVD. I even drink your damn Coolatas, which taste like coffee flavored ice water and leave the aftertaste of cardboard. One might say I'm drinking the Dunkin Donuts Kool-aid, although that doesn't make sense because you don't make Kool-aid.
But I digress. The purpose of my writing is to complain. For the first time ever, I find myself questioning the quality of one of your donut flavors. A donut of which I'm quite fond, and yet nevertheless, has disappointed me time after time for past two months. I suspect by now that you've guessed that I'm talking about the chocolate glazed donut.
Don't play coy, like you don't know which one I mean. I'm not insulting your chocolate frosted donut, which renders me happily catatonic through its ingenious marriage of plain donut and frosting. No, no he, in fact, is the king of my donut dozen. The donut to which I refer is the chocolate version of the glazed donut. It features a fine gloss on the outside that gives it a shiny tint, as if to say "I'm delicious through and through, but if you don't like chocolate, at least lick the sugar that glistens under the fluorescents bulbs that I consider my sun."
I'll get to the point. Your chocolate donut has betrayed me for the final time. Both in its regular form and its cuter "munchkin" form (by the way, I love how you market leftovers), this donut has become the least tasty, the least moist, and, dare I say it, the least dunkable of your current lineup. I don't know what happened. You may have changed the recipe, or it may just be a malfunction at the one store I go to (which, as a Star Wars fan, I like to think of as the Courascant of the Dunkin Donuts universe). When I try biting into the donut, I am met with a crusty resistance, the likes of which I haven't experienced since accidentally ingesting a barnacle that fell off a boat some years ago.
I'm sorry to say this, but unless something is done immediately to change this donut situation, I cannot in good conscience reach for another chocolate glazed again. I know that I've threatened before (and believe me, I now realize that "stick" is a much better word for crueller), but this is different. I love me my chocolate. And if you can't serve me a decent chocolate donut, I'm going to have to stop eating those and only eat the other kinds. I know this is a tough munchkin to swallow, but now you know how that feels. Who knows, this may even turn into a Cindy Sheehan movement with hundreds of thousands of men, women and children protesting outside your corporate headquarters, wherever that may be. And where would that leave you? Well, I guess you wouldn't abandon your headquarters, but you'd sure as hell have one big chocolate donut of a problem that all the glaze in the world can't cover.
Thank you for listening. Once again, you know where to reach me if your conscience ever shows up.


Your friend and former chocolate donut eater,
Mike

Who's your daddy

Whats more impressive!? Alex Karras' Mustache or Webster trying to balance on the spalding!?!?

Mr. Skin....

We welcome Mr.Skin of the reknowned and Howard Stern-recommended website MrSkin.com. Why sit through a movie when you can just log onto this site and find your favorite nude scenes. I mean, c'mon, did you think we'd really watch "Nell" from start to finish? Anyway, here's the interview... it's a real "quickie."

Because he's seen more boobs than Hugh Hefner (on television anyway), it's time for Cheek to Cheek with...Mr. Skin

By Jon Chattman, for thecheappop.com

JC) Hey Skin, how's it hanging? How long have you been doing the site anyway? More importantly, thank you...
MS) I launched the site on Aug. 10, 1999. At the time my "staff" was me and a tech guy. We had our first sign up five minutes after launch. Though I never dreamed we would have 35 skinployees and get five million visitors a month like we do now.

JC) Damn, that's a lot of people spanking it on the Internet...
MS) I don't have an exact subscriber count, but we get many thousands during the course of the year.

JC) You're married an you now have a kid, what does your wife think of your business? Your in-laws must be proud...
MS) I met my wife at a radio function at a bar in 1999, where I was a guest along with Cindy Crawford's mom. She met me when I was promoting Mr. Skin, and
she has been cool about it ever since. Her brother works for me so needless to say my inlaws are cool with what I do.

JC) Moving right along, what's your favorite all-time nude scene?
MS) Phoebe Cates getting out of the pool in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" (in) 1982 [at the] 51 minute [mark].

JC) Yes, that was every boy's fantasy around that time, and come to think of it, still is... What's your least fav?
MS) 84-year-old Jessica Tandy going for a skinny dip in the 1994 movie "Camilla" (47 minutes in)

JC) Yikes! Which actress would you most like to see bare it all?

MS) Jessica Simpson

JC) Come on now, I said actress. Have you gotten any feedback from the celebs you feature on the site?
MS) Never from a major star, though I hear that lots of agents and PR people in Hollywood are fans of the site.

JC) I'm sure! So what's next for ya, Skin? You had a book come out last year, what's next?
MS) I have another book out: "Mr. Skin's Skintastic Video Guide: The Best 1001 movies to rent for nudity."

JC) Sweet... Thanks for the interview. All the breast to you and yours...

thecheappop.com's World of Captain Obvious

10 people/groups/things that are overrated
1. ALICIA KEYS
2. THE RAMONES
3. SARAH MACLACHLAN
4. VELCRO
5. BOB DYLAN
6. PANTS
7. BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN
8. BON JOVI
9. BERNIE WILLIAMS
10. THE COSBY SHOW

Shelly Malil fo scho

'Hey Bambi,' it's Haziz

"Virgin" takes actor's career to next level

By Jon Chattman, for thecheappop.com - 2006

Shelley Malil is probably the only person who could draw laughter by uttering the words Al Qaeda. As Haziz, one-half of an Indian comedic duo in last year's hit comedy "The 40-Year-Old Virgin," the Indian-born actor alongside co-star Gerry Bednob (as Mooj) stole scenes from star Steve Carell as a pair of disgruntled electronic store clerks. ("How come we never get invited to parties? What are we, fucking Al Qaeda?" being a key one-liner.) Despite newfound fame (especially in frat houses throughout the world), Malil has compiled a long list of television, film, and stage credits for over a decade. The actor is nationally known as one of the "What are you doing?" Budweiser guys from years back. But, entering "Virgin" territory has clearly propelled his career to new heights. The actor has several projects in the works or in the can, including a role in the "Garfield" sequel "A Tale of Two Kitties." He's also pitching a television show to the networks.

JC: Did you expect the movie to be as big as it was?

SM: I like most people when we were filming it, thought that the audience, the public would just love it, but we also thought the critics would hate. So, the biggest surprise wasn't that it was a hit, it was a bigger surprise with how the critics really thought that it was a good film. It even got nominated for a WGA award. So, that I think caught everybody by surprise. I think most cast members thought that it was going to hit a certain group: the college group, young people, but I was very surprised when I heard from a lot of females of how sweet of a love story it was and how sweet it was. The female audience, the audience, and the critics, I think was truly a wake-up call for us.

JC: The Oscars just passed, does it bother you, because you've done a lot of comedy, that comedy is never recognized by the Academy?

SM: Oh yeah, absolutely. You find an actor who can do comedy, they can do drama, but if you're an actor who can do drama, it doesn't necessarily parlay to comedy. It's a lot harder to do comedy than drama I think. You know that you're successful in comedy because you can hear them laugh. If you watch a beautiful scene by Meryl Streep, you're not going to laugh you're going to be quiet because she's so amazing. If you're doing comedy, you're going to laugh. That's how you're going to know. It really puts you to the test. I'm not saying Meryl Streep can't do comedy. She's an actress that can do both, but I find that there's a lot of actors that [can't]. Personally, I've always preferred to work on comedy. I would rather spend my hours laughing my head off, getting down into some funky place that it takes me years of therapy to get out of. I just love comedy.

JC: How was the working relationship with you and Jerry Bednob? You guys just seem to hit it off onscreen.

SM: God, yeah. He was like my surrogate, sick, dirty old man father. Jerry's non-stop funny. It's like being with an older, Indian Robin Williams. This guy was just non-stop. We're still to this day very good friends. I was at his house recently. I love Jerry. I don't think I've ever worked on a project where there was so much ease to work with everybody. Everybody just generally loved seeing each other and generally were trying to make each other laugh, everyday, for five weeks. It was a very rare situation where there were no egos involved. It was just a bunch of people who just wanted to have a good time, and they had a camera there and filmed it. That's really what it came out to be.

JC: Were there a lot of scenes left on the editing floor with you and Jerry?

SM: There's tons of stuff that I did and Jerry did...all the actors did tons of stuff. Judd (Apatow, the writer and director) basically gave us an open canvas and paintbrushes and just let us go at it. He just kept shooting so there's so much stuff, and he works on a point of view of improvising. We actually shot over a million feet of film, which is really rare in the film business. The last movie that I can think of that did that was "Titanic." We did enough to make five full-length movies and it was all improvised.

JC: Has there been a discussion of not necessarily a spin-off of Haziz and Mooj, but another collaboration with you and Jerry? You guys would be great in a half-hour sitcom.

SM: It's funny you should say that. It's something that me and Jerry just recently got through doing a pilot. He's my father, and I play one of the two sons. We just got done reading. I don't know where it's going to go.

JC: Unlike Jerry, are you more restrained off camera?

SM: If I'm not in front of the camera, I tend to always be the viewer. I love to watch people do their magic. I've just never been the person who actually does it unless I'm in front of the camera. When I'm in front of the camera or in front of an audience, it clicks and this other part of me awakens. I can feel it. It's like this whole other thing. Then there are some actors like Steve Carell, for example. When he's not on camera, he's very much like I am. He's much more a viewer. He doesn't really do anything. Not that he's boring, but he takes it all in. [When] you put him in front of a camera, it just turns on. I always tend to work that way. It's just more comfortable for me.

JC: How was working with Steve? Everyone says he's a great guy.

SM: I'm telling you. He has to be one of the greatest human beings...him and his wife Nancy (Walls). All the success that has happened to Steve, he deserves double that. It's so rare to find somebody with that kind of genuine humility and kindness and warmth with that kind of talent. Usually, it co-exists with the ego, but he has no ego. He's the kind of guy that anyone would want to have over for dinner. He's just the nicest human being there is, but extremely funny.

JC: I was hoping for some dirt...

SM: He is, though! The first moment I met him. Here's the guy who's starring in the film, who's executive producer of the movie, but he treated everybody on the set including the craft servers and crew members as if those people were his employer. He treated everybody with respect. Every time he received a compliment, he would be very gracious but then just kind of blow it off. He was just amazing. I saw him do so much stuff that didn't wind up in the movie and it's a shame.

JC: Shifting gears, you've done many guest stints on television. Do you enjoy being on the small screen as much as the big?

SM : I like TV a lot, but if I had to be forced to choose between film and TV, I like film just because you're basically with people for a pretty long period of time telling one specific story. Whereas in television, you're with them for a long time, basically telling different versions of the same story. I like to work on a project, and then go work on another project that's completely different. In television, you can work on a show for like, two years, and you show up to the set and the show's been cancelled. At least with film you can finish the movie and then next year when it's a bomb, you're already working on something else.

JC: Getting serious, would you say there are not a lot of strong roles for Indian actors?

SM: It's never really bothered me. It's almost like I was an African American and I went to live in Beijing and started complaining about how there aren't strong roles for African Americans. You have to understand, it comes from the writers. Writers are always limited to their experience in the world. So, until years go by and there are more East Indian writers or people are getting married to an East Indian person or live in India, it's really hard for them to do any character, but a two dimensional character. Like for example, I could not write a great movie about the Jewish struggle. I've never lived in Israel, so I wouldn't know. What I would draw would probably be two-dimensional. So, you can't really hold me responsible for that because that's the limit of my experience. I'm not really concerned with the fact that there aren't any, because I completely understand that they don't understand. It's really our responsibility, as actors, to take what they give us and put some dimension into it.

JC: What about in terms of casting? Do you think there's a problem in Hollywood with stereotyping?

SM: No. Everything in Hollywood is very much like Wall Street. There are ups and downs to every year. Like this year, it seemed there was a lot of great roles for Indian character actors for television market. Now, we'll see, come the fall, if the networks are ready to go with these choices. Like, last year there was nothing, but this year there's a whole plethora of them. It always changes.

JC: Lastly, have you ever considered writing?

SM: Yeah. You know, I'm actually working on something right now. Writing is something I do enjoy very much. I love every aspect of filmmaking, and fascinated with every aspect of telling the story.

The Lists...

The Lists...

By Albert Yankovich
Who needs Google when we do the research for you?

Famous People Born on February 29th
1. Pope Paul III
2. Dennis Farina
3. Pepper Martin
4. Pedro Zamora
5. Ja Rule
6. Henri Richard
7. Jimmy Dorsey
8. Antonio Sabato, Jr.
9. Tony Robbins
10. Richard Ramirez

Illinois Area Codes
1. 317
2. 224
3. 309
4. 312
5. 773
6. 618
7. 630
8. 708
9. 815
10. 847

Impress your family with your knowledge or sound cooler than any hipster!
When impressing people with your knowledge, title the list "Birds Native to Newfoundland." When impressing hipsters, call this list "Bands You Should Definitely Check Out!"
1.Red Throated Loon
2.Sooty Shearwater
3. Harlequin duck
4. Bufflehead
5. Gyrfalcon
6. Lesser yellowlegs
7. Ovenbird
8. Palm Warbler
9. Hermit Thrush
10. Solitary Sandpiper

Screen Names I considered But You Can use

1. JohnGoodmanfan14
2. SkinnyNHairy
3. OzzyOzzyOzzy
4. 3Hot3Handle
5. Evitewhore
6. DarthMarley
7. Deathtohestonmonkeyman
8. JohnGoodmanfan15
9. MeatballSchmeatball
10. muhammad_chang

MonkeyNauts: Monkeys in Space

Albert I-VI
Patricia
Mike
Abrek
Bion
Gordo "Old Reliable"
Able
Baker
Sam
Miss Sam
This list is dedicated to Goliath a squirrel monkey who died in the explosion of his atlas rocket on November 10,1961

Presidents Who Owned Slaves (Not Including Jefferson and Washington who owned slaves)
James Madison
James Monroe
Andrew Jackson
Martin Van Buren
William Henry Harrison
John Tyler
James Polk
Zachary Taylor
Andrew Johnson
Ulysses Grant

Move over Sliced Bread we have...10 Miracles of Science!
1. Spray on Hair
2. Polio Cure
3. E-bay
4. Potatoes Au Gratin in a box
5. Hot Air Balloons
6. Laser Eye Surgery
7. Kitty Litter Crystals
8. The Weather Channel
9. Lunchables
10. Jose Canseco

Fictional or Theoretical Cats
1. Chesire
2. Felix
3. Azrael
4. Hobbes
5. Scratchy
6. Schroedingers
7. Fix
8. Morris
9. Bill the Cat
10. Tom

Notable Jacks
1. Jack Daniels
2. Jack (and Jill)
3. Jack Nicholson
4. Jack The Ripper
5. Jack Tripper
6. Jack Kerouac
7. Jack of Hearts
8. Jack Black
9. Jack and the Beanstalk
10. Jack Johnson

Knock Knock Joke Punchlines
1. Utah Sight Utah Mind
2. Doris Locked thats why I had to knock
3. Ammonia a bird in a gilded cage
4. Goat to the door and find out
5. Aardvark a million miles for one of your smiles
6. Keith me and find out
7. Is there an owl in here?
8. Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
9. Candice get any better?

10. Sherlock your door!

Bo Bice me

Our attempt to get people text messaging Bo Bice's name across the country never panned out...

No go for Bo:
Former "Idol" contestant slams Emmys
By Jon Chattman
The casts of "Desperate Housewives" and "Lost" weren't the only ones who felt slighted when the nominations for the 58th Annual Emmy Awards were announced Thursday morning in Hollywood. Bo Bice, runner-up of the fourth season of "American Idol" is demanding the Academy reconsider omitting his name from the Best Supporting Actor in a Miniseries category. The southern rocker, who didn't actually appear in a miniseries, told the Associated Press that he deserved to be nominated in that category for the music video to his hit single "The Real Thing," which was released earlier this year.

"My video may not have had Helen Mirren in it, but it was a miniseries, man,"the 30 year old said. "I play this rocker guy in it, and this chick is like all up in my grill. But, I wasn't having any of that."
He continued, "The video had everything you'd want in a miniseries: great performances, solid direction, and a powerful story. Any way you slice it, it's better than Belinda Carlisle's 'Heaven is a Place on Earth' video. That was weird shit, man: women holding up globes and wearing fluorescent clothes."

Bice said the Academy probably left his name off the ballot, because there's a "stigma" that comes with being a reality show contestant. "Reality show contestants don't get any respect in the business. That's why Richard Hatch is in jail right now although tax evasion is a pretty serious crime."

While he doesn't expect anything to come from it, Bice has asked fans to text message Emmy voters his name in the hopes he can somehow land on a slot. "Everyone should text message 'Bo Bice' to the Academy. As 'Idol' has thought us, anything's possible, and on an unrelated note, Ryan Seacrest looks like Kermit the Frog," he said.
Bice added, "You can also text message my name to your friends. Everyone needs to be 'Bo Bice'd' every now and then. I 'Bo Bice' myself everyday...usually in the morning."

Prior to his Emmy claim, Bice has made news with a series of unusual appearances and actions. In May 2005, Bice was arrested in Hollywood for crashing a Fruit of the Loom commercial shoot dressed as a banana. In January 2006, the singer appeared on the ABC daytime talk show "The View," and refused to leave the set until Starr Jones ate fried chicken. In March, he campaigned against Dunkin Donuts on the grounds of Fred the Baker dying.
"It's always time to make the donuts," Bice explained at the time.

Most recently, Bice sued Jesus Christ for not replying to his fanmail, and oddly, his lower intestines, which he claims hasn't functioned properly since he had intestinal surgery in August 2005. On a much happier note, Bice said he's enjoying fatherhood. Last year, he and his wife welcomed a son, who they named Aiken Maroulis after former "Idol" contestants Clay Aiken and Constantine Maroulis. "Being a father is the coolest thing that's ever happened to me," Bice told Vanity Fair last fall. But, he added, "Winning 'American Idol' would've been so much cooler and far less messy."

cheek to cheek with Eddie Deezen

Our favorite '80s nerd sat down with us last year...

cheek to cheek with Eddie Deezen
By Jon Chattman, for thecheappop.com 2006
Because he was the King Kong of nerds in the 1980s and does more voice-overs than Edie McClurg, it's time for Cheek to Cheek with Eddie Deezen (pictured right with Pete Best)

JC: For the past couple of decades you've done exclusively voicework. Is it more challenging than acting?
ED: No, actually, to be honest, it is less. The "juice" you get from looking at the other actors and watching them is more of a high. However, voice-overs are a lot of fun, and if right, can be very stimulating and cathartic. [But] of course, there is the fun of actually seeing yourself on screen especially a 30-foot high one.

JC: Whether it was Eugene in "Grease 2" or the very underrated "Midnight Madness," you made a career of playing dweebs and nerds early on. Were you actually one in real life?
ED: I would say yes in appearance, definitely. I look this way. A lot of my personality is that way, too. I only hate the cruelty that nerds can evoke in some. I hate and detest cruelty in any form. I have experienced this in school, because I looked funny and odd. IT WAS JUST FAIR.

JC: So was Napolean Dynamite. What'd you think of that flick?
ED: I watched the movie and thought it was just fair [until] the scene came up where Napolean dances at the auditorium. That dance really bowled me over. I just thought that scene was one of the greatest, coolest scenes I have ever seen. That made the film for me, and I ended up loving it.

JC: I hear that.You appeared on many TV shows in the '80s - "Punky Brewster" to name one... what do you think was the best show of the '80s?
ED: Tough question. My favorite shows seem to have been earlier. I guess I used to like "Magnum P.I." and I was on it and Tom was so cool. I'd choose that one.

JC: He's got a nice mustache. Anyways, you voiced "pop" of Kellogg's Rice Krispie's commercial. Be honest, do you even like the cereal?
ED: Yes, I love Rice Krispies with cream or half and half. By the way, I just ran into "snap" at an audition on Monday.

JC: That is cool. Getting back to "Midnight Madness," have you ever been to Sumatra?
ED: I don't know what that is.

JC: That's ok. You appeared in Steven Spielberg's first flick "1941." What was that experience like?
ED: It was only Steven's first comedy, and his last too. Steven was a very cool guy, a nice man. Comedy just wasn't his thing. Bob zemeckis was, is, and will always be my favorite "on camera" director. He is God to me...the absolute best!

JC: That guy does rock. What are your holiday plans?
ED: Nothing particularly. I love buying gifts and presents and giving them to the people I love. I really wanted to be with my girl, who I love most, but she will be in Washington, D.C.

JC: That stinks. Do you believe in Santa?
ED: One of the coolest thrills I had as a kid was meeting Santa at Murphy's Department Store. I believed in him as a kid. My happiest Christmas ever was when I got to play Santa Claus at the Beverly Center in Beverly Hills. I wish there was a Santa. I always thought Tom Hanks was actually Santa in a previous life.

JC: Maybe he is, but Rick Moranis isn't. Does it bother you that he landed many nerdy roles in the 1980s?
ED: No, not really. He was no competition. We were sort of different. Whatever became of him?

Retro Farah

Here's one of thecheappop's original articles... a review of a review by staff writer Mike Farah

X2 [or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Bryan Singer]
By Michael Farah

As a writer, I have a lot of words in my computer. Believe it or not, a lot of the words I've strung together haven't been published. But why would that stop me from dissecting my work, adding comments, and offering the DVD version of crap? Heck, it might even be fun to read, in that Mystery Science Theater kinda way.

For the first column, we're going to dive into my review of X2: X-Men United from 2003. I still love this film, but the review leaves a lot to be desired. Let me show you why:

It is difficult to describe the relief, let alone the excitement one feels during the opening moments of the second X-Men adventure, X-Men United [although it might be something akin to making it through a date without sharting after a particularly spicy Thai meal]. After all, this is the Gladiator spot [what are you talking about?], the unofficial beginning of the summer movie season [oh] that Spider-Man decimated [lost me again] one year ago. If a movie stumbles here [like an overpaid sports star in the postseason], our collective hopes for the rest of the blockbuster season dwindles [as if we had a collective hope other than that at least one of them won't suck]. Thankfully, X2 does not stumble; it soars to heights unimagined by the first film and beyond even fan expectations [cliché 1]

That first scene, in which Alan Cumming's diabolical Nightcrawler breaches White House security in an attempt on the President's life [alas, a fake president, not Georgie], is the most thrilling this side of The Matrix [cliché 2]. Blessed with a bigger budget, more time, and a seasoned [I believe it was oregano, rosemary, and cumin] cast, director Bryan Singer pours his heart and soul into the action sequences [dramatic pause] and it shows. Unlike the first film, the X2 sequences are jaw-dropping [cliché 3] both in terms of scope and originality [yes, for you math wizards, it's doubly jaw-dropping], and serve the more epic story that Singer wants to tell.

The first X-Men introduced us to mutants, evolutionary offshoots of humanity blessed with uncanny abilities. The good mutants [they clean under their fingernails and behind their ears] are led by Charles Xavier (Patrick Stewart), a telepath whose dreams of mutant-human co-existence are opposed by his old friend and all around baddie [oooh, I'm scared] Magneto (Ian McKellen). Despite the X-Men's defeat of Magneto's Brotherhood, the world is no less fearful of those that are different and are undecided as to how to resolve the 'mutant problem' [i.e. how do we keep making money on this franchise?]

United does not take the easy and unimaginative way out [changing Storm's power to make it impossible for Halle Berry to wear clothes ], releasing Magneto from his plastic prison to wreak more havoc. Instead, it is the human military [as opposed to the robot one], led by the brilliantly bigoted [is that an oxymoron?] William Stryker (Brian Cox) that is the new enemy. Having abducted Xavier and his stalwart student [and blank slate] Cyclops (James Marsden), Stryker launches an assault on Xavier's school, capturing mutant children and dispersing the X-Men. As if to prove that silly subtitle [subtitles need no proof; they’re inherently perfect], the mutants must unite in order to defeat Stryker and prove their meddle [Cliché 4].

The story serves [seared tuna on mixed field greens] but it is the characters that shine [cliché 5]. Hugh Jackman's Wolverine is again front and center, with animal magnetism oozing from his every pose [hard to believe I'm straight, ain't it?]. Halle Berry's weather-manipulating Storm is a vast improvement from the first film, though still under-utilized and unrealized [mostly because she still has her clothes on]. Shape-shifting Mystique (Rebecca Romijn-Stamos) gives the film a playful energy [i.e. something for the fanboys to pant at], balancing the dark, more foreboding attitude of Jean Grey (Famke Janssen).

As with any large cast, not all characters get their just due. Anna Paquin, an integral part of the first film as Rogue, is subjugated to a supporting role here [I missed her lip puckering and Oscar winning]. An expanded Iceman part is still not enough for an interesting Shawn Ashmore and the newbie Pyro (Aaron Stanford) displays only glimpses of greatness [the glimpses being his ability to act in pajamas with a straight face]. Marsden gets similarly lost in the shuffle, used by Singer more as a pawn than a character [although it's hard to see how he would be better unless he started going postal on everybody in sight]. But all is forgiven with Nightcrawler, whose spot-on German accent and faithful representation of the comic-book demon is an absolute delight to witness. [And which character gets tossed out the window for X3 - you guessed it.]

If the film stumbles at all [what's with all the stumbling talk, you clumsy moron?], it is in the over-blown second half. Having captivated our attention with a dozen or so character introductions [that's an exaggeration; it's more like he Greco-Roman wrestled our attention], Singer and company choose the lesser path: away from thematic interactions [pretentious] and towards comic-book resolutions [satisfying]. While the plot is serviceable [I'm bringing it in this weekend for a tune-up], it takes too high a priority in the final moments, as the loose ends seek to be tied [if only there were more S&M talk] The dialogue can get a bit campy (as is the weakness of all such films - hey, stop stealing my parentheses for such an insipid comment), though much of it belies a playful wit [my New Yorker writing moment and cliché 6] that is missing in so many of X2's contemporaries [who, coincidentally all get together for poker nights on Friday - Blade usually kicks everybody's asses].

While Berry's Storm is a long shot [not anymore, after Catwoman bombed], the rest of the cast seems willing and eager for a third chance to mutate [except for Alan Cumming who, despite his general air of oddness, manages to emerge intact]. Seeds of a future storyline are planted in the conclusion [but we need Miracle Grow, stat!], all but insuring a continuance of the X-Men's adventures. If X2 is an indication of where this franchise is heading, sign me up [for the newsletter; I hear Wolverine has good recipes]. I only wish patience was my mutant gift [that and the ability to not end reviews like an idiot - oh, and flying and invisibility.]

Archive: Getting brief and uneventful with Roger Ebert